


Andy's Faith

by xxMad_Donaxx



Series: Meetings [4]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, F/M, M/M, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay, Polyamory, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism, sex in a public place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-14 05:15:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 38,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continues where Meetings left off. Andy slowly learns that it's okay to love.</p>
<p>I will probably add more tags as needed. I'm not sure exactly what they're going to get up to. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Posing Nude

It didn’t take long for the three of them to get all of Andy’s possessions to Hawke’s house. Items like his school books, his laptop and various other things were stored in the room that had been set aside for him a while ago. His clothes had been moved to Hawke’s room, that’s where he’d be sleeping after all.

They had all spent time during that week helping Justin box up things. When the sale on his new house became final, Andy at least would help him move. Bethany flew back to Starkhaven before the weekend. Classes started Monday and Carver went to the training academy. Life fell into the same sort of pattern it held before all the confessions of feelings with a few minor changes.

Every night he went to Hawke’s house, it was going to take a while to think of it as home. Andy went to sleep every night with Hawke and Merrill, the three of them in a comfortable tangle of bodies. There was plenty of sex but Andy also enjoyed the nights they simply cuddled under the covers. He also made a concerted effort to keep in touch with Justin. Phone calls were still rare but there was plenty of texting. It allowed them both to think a bit before responding.

The house Justin was in the process of buying was a cozy place, much smaller than the monstrous house they had grown up in. The upstairs was taken up by the two bedrooms and a bathroom. The ground floor of the house was the living room and a combined kitchen and dining area. The basement was unfinished. Andy had a feeling that a fence would be added around the yard at some point but Justin’s new house was nowhere near as oppressive as their old one.

Even though Hawke’s house was bigger than their old home, it too felt less oppressive. The worst thing he had to worry about was bumping into Carver. Hawke’s younger brother wasn’t openly hateful or aggressive but it was still very clear that he didn’t like Andy a bit. Carver spent his week at the academy and was only home on weekends. It made dealing with him less of a bother but between him, Olivia and Andy’s work schedule, finding time to pose for Hawke had been a bit of a problem.

Two weeks into the new semester an opportunity finally presented itself. Due to a joint Professor illness they both had Friday afternoon free. Merrill was still at her shop but Olivia had already left by the time Andy and Hawke arrived home. With Carver not due back until after Andy had to go to work it was a perfect chance.

The shades were drawn closed in the living room and Hawke turned on a few of the lamps, positioning them as Andy leaned on the back of the couch. He ran upstairs to get the sketchbook, radiating quiet excitement. Andy found that he was extremely nervous but stripped out of his clothes anyway, draping them over the back of the couch next to him.

Hawke thumped noisily down the stairs and stopped at the bottom. “Relax,” he said soothingly. “You look as nervous as a virgin on her wedding night.”

“I’m not usually the only one bare assed,” Andy said light-heartedly with a nervous grin.

“That’s easily fixed,” Hawke said setting the sketchbook on a side table. His clothes were puddled around him on the floor in record time. “Now,” he said stepping over them to stand in front of Andy. Hawke pulled him into a kiss that made Andy’s toes curl. “Relax.”

“Keep doing that and I might get interested in something else altogether,” Andy said gripping his hips and pulling them together.

“After,” Hawke purred quietly in his ear. “I’m going to be as stiff as stone before we’re finished.”

“Really?” Andy asked turning his head slightly to see him.

“Happened with every single one I drew of Merrill,” said Hawke with a little smirk.

Hawke stepped back and looked around the room with a critical eye. Andy leaned back against the back of the couch and watched him. Merrill’s book was half-full. There were poses in various places around the house and quite a few that weren’t even near the house. Going through her book wasn’t like looking through a pornographic magazine.

None of the drawings were purposefully lewd. Merrill lying in one of the lawn chairs in the backyard, curled around a pillow on the bed looking like she was taking a nap, leaning on a tree somewhere with her hands behind her looking thoughtfully up at the sky. They were moments frozen in time by Hawke’s talented hand. She just happened to be nude in every one of them. Andy couldn’t imagine what Hawke gained from drawing these pictures but seeing his excitement now helped sooth his nerves. Having something to look forward to afterwards didn’t hurt either.

He pulled Andy around the couch. “Lay here, legs crossed at the ankle on the arm of the couch,” Hawke said.

Andy let him arrange his limbs, one arm above his head the other resting on his stomach with his fingers slightly curved up. He watched with a small amount of amusement as Hawke took a step back, fingers rubbing his chin thoughtfully, then step forward again to make more slight adjustments. His fingers were pushed flat against his stomach; head turned a tiny bit to the side and even his flaccid cock was moved so that it rested against one thigh. Lamps were moved and moved again until Hawke was satisfied.

“Close your eyes and don’t move,” Hawke said quietly.

“All right,” said Andy softly as he closed his eyes.

Hawke had been sitting on the floor, knees raised and pressed together. The sketch book sat against them, the only sound in the room the scratch of his pencil and the ticking of the wall clock. After a small amount of time passed, Andy was told he could open his eyes. It didn’t look like Hawke had moved. Andy watched him, careful to keep himself still as his eyes flicked from the paper to Andy and back again. He wasn’t sure how long he lay on the couch but knew when Hawke was done. His face lit up with a cheerful grin from the deep concentration it held moments earlier and the sketch book was flipped closed.

“That part’s done,” Hawke said brightly.

Hawke stood, setting the book and his pencil down on the coffee table. Andy took a moment to stretch, eyes widening a little as he sat up. Hawke looked as hard as he’d predicted. Thought ceased for Andy momentarily as Hawke crawled up onto the couch, sitting on his lap. Languid kisses were placed on his lips and fingers run through his hair. Andy let his hands wander along Hawke’s back from the points of his shoulder blades to his ass.

Eventually kisses were moved along his jaw and down to his neck. Andy groaned softly but still managed to ask a question before succumbing to Hawke’s talented lips. “So when do I get to see it?”

“I’ll have it finished by the time you get home from work,” said Hawke leaving his neck with one last kiss. “No peeking ‘til then. Right now, I want to be inside you.”

“I could use a good ride,” Andy said pulling their mouths together once more.

“I think we need to switch then,” Hawke purred when Andy let him pull away.

Andy was soon on Hawke’s lap, his cock buried deep inside of him. There were deep kisses and gentle caresses from his strong hands as Andy rolled his hips. It wasn’t long before Andy gripped the back of the couch, Hawke’s hands at his hips helping to keep the steady rhythm going. The room filled with their combined gasps and moans as tension built. Hawke stroked his cock and Andy was quickly spilling over his chest and stomach.

He kept the rhythm steady through his orgasm. Another deep kiss, their tongues sliding together, and finally Hawke gasped. Slowly Andy stilled, settling on his lap, full of his cock and his seed. Sated lethargy stole over Andy and he was content to stay there, letting Hawke soften inside of him.

“That was…amazing,” Andy yawned contentedly as he bent to rest his head on the couch next to Hawke’s. “If that’s the kind of sex I can look forward to, this definitely needs to happen again.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” Hawke said softly. Andy felt him wrap his arms around him and they stayed that way for a while. “Let’s go get cleaned up.”

“I don’t really want to move,” Andy said lethargically.

Hawke kissed his nose affectionately. “As much as I’d love to sit here and be lazy,” he said softly. “I don’t think your boss or Carver would appreciate it much.”

He was slowly getting used to the little affectionate things they did, hugs, Merrill brushing his hair, Hawke’s kisses to odd places. Ever since the morning after the intense night at the movie theater they let him know that he was cared about a great deal. Andy hesitated to use the ‘L’ word, even in his own mind. It was reassuring in a strange way though, their little gestures. Neither of them inundated him with them, just a little reminder every now and then.

“No, probably not,” said Andy finding the energy to rise up once more and let Hawke slip free. “I’ll scrub your back if you scrub mine?”

“I’ll scrub more than that if you like,” Hawke said playfully.

“Deal,” said Andy smiling.


	2. A Coincidence?

Work was almost torture that night. Andy was eager to get home and see what Hawke had drawn so naturally the night seemed to drag by. The finished drawing was well worth a night of anticipation. When he was on the couch, he hadn’t been aware of exactly how much time had passed. Andy had watched Hawke do a near perfect, to his untrained eye at least, sketch in less than fifteen minutes. This was beyond perfect.

Andy was struck breathless at every little detail. The scar on his side from a truly nasty bicycle wreck when he was fourteen, a light smatter of freckles across his nose from many sunburns, the slightly darker complexion of his face and arms fading to the pale color the rest of his body was. Even his jeans and T-shirt had been drawn draped over the back of the couch where he’d left them.

There was something present in that drawing that wasn’t in any other sketch of his Andy had seen save for Merrill’s book. The care he’d taken to set up the perfect scene, a man taking a nap. A little mystery as to why he had taken his clothes off first, time spent including details most might not notice. It was an expression of how much Hawke cared.

Merrill was literally bouncing next to him in quiet excitement. Andy looked up at Hawke, mouth working but no sound escaping, surprised at the nervousness he saw. He shifted uneasily from foot to foot, brows pulled down in worry, eyes anxious.

“Well?” Hawke asked, more nervous than Andy had ever heard him.

Since his powers of speech seemed to have deserted him for the moment, Andy answered him the only way he could think of. He handed the book to Merrill and stood, pulled Hawke to him by the waistband of his slacks and tried to put what he couldn’t say into a kiss. His initial shock lasted seconds. Hawke quickly softened, putting his arms around Andy’s waist and returning the kiss.

The need to breathe finally parted them but Andy didn’t let go, instead wrapping his arms around Hawke and resting his head on his shoulder. The depth of Hawke’s feelings weren’t surprising or frightening. Andy had already seen how deep their caring for him went, despite his past that had chased away many others. It was his feelings that were frightening.

“Beautiful,” Andy whispered almost silently.

“I’m glad you like it,” Hawke said quietly.

They stood like that for seconds before Merrill squirmed under their arms and put one of hers around each of their waists. She stood on her toes and kissed Hawke on the cheek then Andy. “It’s wonderful Hawke!” she exclaimed happily. “Now I think we all have far too many clothes on!”

Hawke chuckled and Andy laughed openly. There was at least an hour’s worth of distraction before they drifted off to sleep, Andy’s book tucked safely away with Merrill’s.

Life’s pleasant routine continued. School and work took up a good deal of his time but there was plenty of it left for Hawke and Merrill. Nate and Elissa became engaged and Andy was truly happy for his best friend. He continued his careful texted conversations with Justin and they didn’t argue quite as much as they had. Justin and Aura were getting along very well and Andy was happy for his brother as well.

The weekend after Justin’s new house was actually his, Andy, Hawke, Merrill and surprisingly Carver helped Justin move. Aura helped as well, staying at the new house with Merrill arranging things and moving boxes into rooms that matched their contents. There were quite a few things left in the old house, not all of the furniture was needed in his smaller house. What was left was arranged neatly. The realtor said it might help the old place sell faster.

Carver and Andy mostly avoided each other. The interactions they did have were mostly civil and Andy hoped that Carver had taken Justin’s advice. Hawke and Carver didn’t seem to be getting along any better however. Neither of them seemed too worried about it so Andy didn’t either. Hawke did seem a little worried about Bethany. There were more phone calls since she had left for Starkhaven than there were the previous semester.

He knew it was this Sebastian fellow that Hawke was worried about. Andy wasn’t at all surprised when Hawke announced plans to visit Starkhaven during a week where they had no classes Thursday and Friday. He would fly there Wednesday morning and come back Sunday morning. Andy would have liked to go with him but couldn’t because of his job. Merrill elected to stay in Kirkwall with him and Andy was secretly very glad.

Altogether a month had passed when Hawke flew to Starkhaven. Tuesday night was spent partially in the backyard putting on another show for Hawke’s voyeuristic neighbor. They stayed up long past bedtime in their room. Andy sensed that deeper connection between Hawke and Merrill again. They reached out to him as well, like they had before, and like before he reached out as well. Andy fell asleep that night, thoroughly sated and mostly content sandwiched between them.

The next morning was a flurry of hugs and kisses before Hawke left for the airport. He promised to call Merrill when he arrived in Starkhaven and he promised Andy that he would call at least once a day. Andy admitted to Nate over lunch that he was nervous about Hawke simply disappearing like Karl had. He knew that Nate’s level-headed arguments on why Hawke wouldn’t do that were true but it didn’t help his fear very much.

Hawke’s life was here in Kirkwall. His truck was still parked in the driveway, most of his clothes still in the closet. Merrill had stayed and Andy knew without a doubt that Hawke would have taken her with if they had plans to leave him behind. Still the fear and nervousness were there and probably would be until Hawke returned. The phone call he had received from Hawke an hour before work helped calm him a little.

Andy was very distracted at work that night. Coming home to find Merrill still there also helped. He didn’t notice how anxious she was when he arrived home and how it disappeared the second he stepped through the front door. Andy also didn’t notice how he clung to her as they watched a movie before bed, or how he held her tightly to him when they did go to bed.

Merrill was the first thing he noticed later in the small hours of the morning, shaking him awake with a scream still on his lips, terrified and confused because of who had opened the closet door. She sat on his stomach, hands at his shoulders, blankets thrown back, eyes worried and afraid at the same time. Andy pulled her down on top of him, holding her tightly as he shook.

She was the opposite in every way of what he was used to. She didn’t have broad shoulders or a slight rasp to her cheek. Her hair tickled his nose, her voice light and musical, and her accent unfamiliar in his half-awake state but still soothing. Andy didn’t know if it took her more time or less to wake him fully.

“Shh, it’s all right dear one. I’m right here, I won’t leave.”

“Merrill,” Andy said, his voice shaking as much as his arms were. “Merrill.”

“Yes,” she said quietly close to his ear. “You’re not alone. We’re in our bed. It’s just a dream.”

Andy uttered a short bark of laughter thick with hysteria. “No…not a dream. The worst nightmare ever.”

“Let’s turn on the light,” Merrill said still quiet and soothing.

He nodded and reluctantly let her sit up. Merrill leaned and stretched to flip on the bedside lamp, settling back where she had been immediately. Andy squinted at the brightness feeling her hand on his chest and pushing stray strands of hair away from his face. He opened his eyes and focused on her face, trying to chase away the one from his nightmare.

For once he was completely uninterested in her smooth sex against his stomach or watching her breasts as she moved. They slept as naked as he did, easier to fall asleep after sex if they all just cuddled together afterwards. It was the cause of many a morning romp between the sheets. All he was interested in right now was her green eyes and not the light blue ones that had stared emptily at him from the closet doorway. Gradually his shaking ceased as she comforted from her perch atop him.

“Would you like some tea?” she asked after a while. “We can sit at the table or on the couch, talk a little.”

“Yes,” he said. “That sounds nice…not about…the nightmare though. I just can’t right now…”

“Not about that,” Merrill said quietly with a comforting smile. “If you want to talk about that later I’ll listen. I was thinking we could talk about what we’re going to do tomorrow night. Then maybe we can put a movie in, pass the time.”

“You don’t have to stay awake with me Merrill,” said Andy softly managing a small smile. “You shouldn’t have to lose sleep because of me.”

“And you don’t have to deal with this alone anymore,” said Merrill pulling him to a sitting position as she scooted backwards. She ran her hands through his hair, saying with actions what she didn’t dare say aloud, leaning forward slightly to kiss his nose like Hawke might have if he’d been here.


	3. Nate's Sage Advice

Merrill ended up sleeping a bit longer anyway. The movie Andy chose almost guaranteed it. She sat on his lap, head resting on his shoulder, hands folded neatly and resting on her thigh. Andy covered them with the blanket he’d brought down and simply held her while he stared unseeing at the picture moving on the TV screen. Her weight was comfortable and grounding, keeping him from falling back into the nightmare that was still so very clear.

Andy was desperate to talk to someone about it. Never before could he ever remember seeing the person who wasn’t Justin, opening the closet door. He or she was usually cloaked in shadow, a terrifying figure full of malice. Not only had he seen the person very clearly, Andy knew him intimately. He shuddered slightly and shook his head. Merrill murmured and nuzzled into his neck a little. Forcing himself to pay attention to the movie, time passed slowly.

Morning came and Merrill was a little frustrated that she had fallen asleep anyway. Andy reassured her that it was all right, that she had still helped. She was still worried but confident that she could drive the nightmare away tonight. He hoped she was right. Convincing Merrill to go to her shop was a monumental task but he did eventually succeed.

Andy dozed on the couch for a while and sent text messages to both Justin and Hawke to inform them of the nightmare when he woke. Hawke’s reply was worried and sympathetic with a promise to call soon. Justin didn’t seem quite as worried but his concern was greatly appreciated. He had considered talking to all three of them about the nightmare, Justin, Hawke and Merrill. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was Nate he decided to confide in.

He called his best friend after talking to Hawke. Half of that call was spent reassuring Hawke that Andy was fine and that Merrill could take care of it. The other half was spent reassuring Andy that Hawke would be home as planned. Nate agreed to meet him for lunch and Andy passed the time trying to finish some school work.

After meeting with Nate at a Café, Andy told him of his nightmare. “This nightmare was different…I actually saw the person who opened the door…it…Nate, it was Karl.”

“What?” Nate said sounding confused. “Karl had nothing to do with that.”

“I know,” said Andy quietly. “It was him though…his eyes…there was nothing there. No love, no hate, just…nothing.”

“You do realize,” Nate said cautiously after a pause. “That Merrill was gone during the last nightmare.”

“That had crossed my mind,” said Andy tiredly. “Maybe it’s a coincidence.”

“I don’t think so Andy,” he said shaking his head. “You’ve never seen the person before. The only thing that’s different now is Hawke and Merrill.”

“Are you saying that I’ve…cared about both of them from the beginning?” Andy asked incredulously. “I don’t believe it. They were nothing more than a really fun couple then.”

“Can you tell me the exact moment you fell in love with them?” Nate asked seriously leaning forward over the table. “You can’t do it can you. You’ve spent so much time and energy ignoring and repressing your feelings since Karl left they’re completely foreign now. It _can’t_ be a coincidence.”

Andy shifted uncomfortably under his steady gaze. “Maybe you’re right,” he said quietly after sipping his coffee. “So what am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know,” he said leaning back in his chair. “Karl seems to be the source of most of your troubles at the moment.”

“The way he left has always bothered me,” Andy said bitterly. “That and he just dropped me like a bad habit. Two years and everything fell apart in a matter of hours.”

“Absolutely nothing since,” Nate said thoughtfully tapping the table with an index finger. “I’ll bet something happened to him. It doesn’t seem normal to just disappear like that.”

“No it doesn’t but what am I supposed to do? It’s been years. It’s not like I can just look him up in the phone book.”

“Why not?” Nate asked. “Talking to him may help.”

Andy shrugged. “I’ll consider it,” he said thinking already that he wouldn’t be attempting it.

He wasn’t sure he even wanted to talk to Karl. Bringing all of that pain to the surface again seemed detrimental to moving forward. A slight alteration to the nightmare he’d had for years didn’t seem worth the trouble either. Between work, school and homework there was little time for a personal research project that might cause more trouble than it solved.

“Will you be all right tonight without Hawke?” Nate asked quietly after a few minutes of silence.

“Merrill’s confident that she can make it work,” Andy said smiling a little for the first time that day. “We talked about it a little after she calmed me down.”

“Do you have any idea how?” he asked curiously.

“Not really,” said Andy. “I asked about toys or a strap-on and she made the cutest face before telling me that they didn’t have anything like that. I’ll let you know if it works.”

Nate chuckled and they finished their lunch talking about tentative wedding plans for him and Elissa. Merrill wasn’t home when he got back but she called while he was getting ready for work. After reassuring her that he was fine to go to work, it was a short shift today and he’d had a small nap earlier, he left shortly after. Work dragged on in a predictable manner. He focused on addresses and traffic to keep his mind off the nightmare. Andy was tired when he arrived home and a little nervous. Merrill seemed to be prepared however.

The first thing she did after locking the door and leading him to the bed room was to strip him out of his uniform, she already had nothing on. There was a lot of touching, hands sliding along his side as she pushed the shirt up, and Andy found himself responding despite his tired nerves. She then got them both into a nice hot shower.

He was not allowed to clean himself but thoroughly enjoyed her doing it for him. One of her hands was busy running a soapy bath pouf over his body and the other followed it. The slightly scratchy pouf followed by her soft palm, tweaking his nipples or tugging at his balls, was very arousing. Andy supported them both when she rose up on her toes to wash his hair. Her fingers massaged his scalp as she worked the shampoo through his hair.

They exchanged a kiss after his hair was rinsed out, his hand wandering to her ass, his stiff cock trapped between them and her breasts pressed against his chest. Water struck his shoulders and sheeted down his body. Droplets sprayed her as they parted and she smiled as she dropped back down to stand flat on her feet. The water was shut off and she stepped out first, handing him a towel as he stepped out.

With most of the water dried off, she sat him at the edge of the bed. Merrill settled behind him with a wide toothed comb and brushed knots out of his hair. She quickly ran the comb through hers when she finished with him, instructing him to lie back on the bed with his knees raised and his legs spread. Andy did as he was told and watched as she made sure a bottle of lube and a condom was within easy reach. Merrill then settled between his legs.

Andy was reminded of the movie theater as she proceeded to drive him wild. It had already begun with the shower and she continued touching him, finding all the right spots and easily keeping him interested. Unlike the movie theater, her lips and tongue were employed as well. He could only grip the sheets as she sucked his cock. Andy was nearly there when she pulled off of him. He understood what her goal was then.

Merrill’s clever hands and mouth kept him at that edge. She teased with her tongue, licking up his cock slowly while two fingers rubbed that spot inside him. She slowly stroked his member as she sucked on his nipples while he arched under her seeking more. On and on it went, sucking, stroking, kissing, and rubbing. He was a moaning, panting mess by the time he finally begged her for release an unknown length of time later.

The condom was rolled onto him and she sank slowly down, her core slick and tight around him and still she teased. Merrill rolled her hips slowly, leaning over him. They exchanged desperate kisses as he fondled her breasts and ass alternately. The pace quickened and Andy held her hips, bucking up into her erratically as he finally peaked. Her core rippled around him seconds later as she followed him and the room was filled with their cries of pleasure.

She collapsed on top of him after rising up once more. Neither of them said a word as they fell into an exhausted slumber.


	4. Job Hazards

Andy slept in Friday morning and he couldn’t remember any of his dreams. Merrill was gone when he woke but he found a note asking him to call when he did. She was only slightly worried, but he reassured her that her plan had worked wonderfully. They talked for a little while longer and Andy ended her call to answer the phone minutes later.

Hawke was also slightly worried and Andy assured him that he was fine. It was probably curiosity that led Hawke to ask what exactly had happened last night. Apparently Merrill had given him the same general idea that she’d given Andy. He ended up explaining in detail, arousing himself as well as Hawke. After a nice mutual wank over the phone, they talked for a little bit longer. Hawke left him with the impression that he was eager to be home in a couple of days.

The rest of the morning was spent doing homework and the afternoon was spent with Nate and Elissa throwing a ball around at the park. Andy missed Merrill when he went to work like he normally did but there was another brief phone call with her before he clocked in. Friday nights were usually busy and this one was no exception.

He spent a good portion of his night driving to and fro, thinking of Karl. Perhaps it was this distraction that caused him to pay less attention to traffic around him than he normally did. Andy waited at the red light of a smaller intersection, wondering what could have made Karl leave. The light changed to green and he pressed on the gas pedal. He was the first into the intersection and then he noticed motion to his left where there shouldn’t have been.

Andy stomped on the brake, but it was far too late. His seatbelt kept him in place as it locked and his heart was suddenly racing. He only remembered hearing his tires squealing before the dark colored SUV collided with his car just behind the left front tire. The impact pushed him sideways in his seat and his head hit the window while his seatbelt dug into his neck. Momentum from the SUV slewed his car around and both windows on the left side shattered as the vehicles crashed together again. They slowly coasted to a stop just outside the intersection, the vehicles locked together somehow.

The engine sputtered to a stop and the person behind Andy had barely managed to stop before hitting him as well. With his head and left leg now hurting, he sat back in the seat rubbing his neck. He saw that the empty pizza bag that had sat on the passenger seat was now in the foot well. His phone sat on top of it. Andy tried to unbuckle the seat belt but it was either stuck or he was just dazed enough that his fingers wouldn’t work right. Letting his hand fall to his lap, Andy waited.

Soon enough sirens could be heard coming closer. He was pulled out through the passenger door and onto a waiting gurney. Questions were asked and he did his best to answer through the fog in his head slowing everything to a crawl. Andy insisted groggily that someone give him his phone and he gripped it tightly while he was whisked away to the hospital emergency room fighting to stay awake.

He was greeted at the hospital by bright fluorescent lights and a team of nurses and doctors. They began doing things he recognized from his college courses, he was studying to become a registered nurse and hoped one day to become a doctor. Andy pulled one of them close to him and handed her his phone. “Need to call…Justin and Merrill…please.” he said slowly, enunciating carefully. She nodded, promising him that she would and Andy allowed sleep to overtake him.

It was dark when he woke. There was a monitor he could barely see off to his right, connected to various things that were connected to him. His left leg had been immobilized and felt like it had been wrapped with something. An IV had been stuck into the back of his right hand. Andy’s head still hurt but not quite as badly as he remembered.

He looked around the dark room carefully. Shades were pulled shut at the small window, a TV sat in a corner of the room dark and lifeless, the door was currently closed and Merrill was at the foot of his bed. She was sitting in a chair, leaning over with her head resting on her arms next to his right leg.

“Merrill,” Andy said quietly.

Even though it looked as if she slept, Merrill jerked upright immediately at the sound of his voice. “Oh thank heavens you’re awake!” she exclaimed in a tired rush. “Don’t go anywhere I’ll be right back.”

Merrill rushed out of the room and he was left wondering just where he could go. She was back within minutes leading Justin and a nurse. Lights were turned on over his bed as the nurse approached him and he blinked in the sudden glare of harsh white light. Merrill stood back with Justin and the nurse took note of his vital signs from the monitor, writing them down on a clipboard that she had carried in with her.

“Can you tell me your full name?” asked the nurse as she held open the lid of each eye for a second.

“Andrew Allen Kirchner,” he answered steadily.

She made a note on her clipboard and asked, “Do you know what day it is?”

“Early Saturday morning I’d think,” Andy said smiling a little. “Not entirely sure what the date is.”

“Close enough,” said the nurse with a little smile. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“A dark SUV ran a red light. I don’t think whoever was driving even tried to stop. It hit my car and things get a little fuzzy. I think I hit my head on the window before they shattered. I couldn’t get the seatbelt undone, my head had begun hurting. I remember being pulled out through the passenger side. Where’s my phone?”

“Over there with the rest of your things,” she said pointing before making more notes. “I’ll let the doctor know you’re awake. He should be in shortly.”

She took her clipboard and left. Justin and Merrill stepped forward, one on either side of him. “I’m still in the emergency room?” Andy asked looking up at them.

“Yes,” Merrill said brushing hair off his forehead. “They were going to make me wait out there.” Her voice shook a little and Andy found her hand. She squeezed it gently as she continued. “Justin insisted…Hawke will be back by morning. He’s very worried.”

“How long have I been asleep?” Andy asked.

“You have been unconscious for a little over three hours,” Justin said. “The other driver was brought in as well as his passengers. I believe he was trying to make it through without hitting anyone. You’re very lucky.”

Justin took his other hand and Andy smiled up at him. “Will you help me with all the legal stuff?” he asked sheepishly. “Insurance claims and all that, I haven’t got much of a head for stuff like that.”

“Of course,” Justin said smiling. “If you wish to press charges I cannot represent you but I can direct you to a qualified colleague.”

“I’ll…decide later,” Andy said quietly. “Right now…I think I’m just happy to be here.”

“So are we,” Merrill said softly swiping at her eyes.

The sun was just peeking over the horizon when they were finally allowed to leave. He was kept for observation because of his head. There had been CAT scans performed while he slept that showed no lasting damage to either his skull or his brain. There was a decent sized goose egg on that side of his head however. The doctor had kept him because he’d blacked out.

While they waited for the doctor to be satisfied with his head, the lower half of his left leg was put in a cast and he was given a pair of crutches. They had to wait for Justin to return with a wearable pair of pants for him before he could practice with them however. His slacks had been cut off and couldn’t be worn.

Merrill carried a stack of papers, instructions, a prescription for pain medication, the name and number of the doctor who had set and cast his leg so that a follow up appointment could be made as well as his things. Andy hobbled out to her car wearing a pair of Justin’s sweatpants and one of his old T-shirts with his brother not far behind.

Justin helped him into the passenger seat of Merrill’s car, holding the crutches and supporting him as he more or less fell into the seat. “Will you need assistance with the prescription?” he asked as he stored the crutches in the back seat.

“I don’t think so,” Andy said smiling. “Justin, could you find out where they took my car? I left my keys in the ignition.”

“They will have needed them to tow the car away,” said Justin kneeling beside the open door. “I can find out though.”

“It’s not the car keys I’m worried about,” Andy said seriously. “It’s the two sets of house keys that I want back.”

“I will see to it,” he answered with a little frown. “Go home and rest some. Amanda will be expecting you at the store sometime today. There is paperwork you will have to fill out.”

“I need to give them the time-off paper anyway,” Andy said feeling very tired. “Thanks Justin.”

“Keep in touch,” Justin said softly.

“I will,” said Andy giving him a tired smile.

Andy leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. There were a dozen small aches everywhere in addition to his headache and throbbing leg. He heard the door shut and moments later the engine roared to life. Andy roused himself enough to buckle his seatbelt as the car began moving. They arrived home at roughly the same time as a taxi.

Hawke rushed out of it and to the passenger side of Merrill’s car. “You’re okay,” he said steadily kneeling beside the open door. “Thank God you’re okay.” Hawke leaned inside, giving Andy an awkward one armed hug, his head resting on his chest.

“Yeah,” Andy sighed running his fingers through Hawke’s hair. “I’m all right.”

“Next time,” Hawke said his voice still steady but muffled. “You’re coming with whether you want to or not.”

Merrill giggled and Andy couldn’t help the giggles that escaped him as well.


	5. Small Changes

They were hovering. It was sort of amusing watching Hawke and Merrill try not to dote on him. Andy wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about either development. He wasn’t sure how to feel about any of it really. Some of the little things they did now were necessary, like getting drinks or his dinner plate. It was next to impossible to carry some things with both of his hands busy on the crutches.

It was most of the other things that Andy wasn’t sure about. It was the way one of them always followed him as he hobbled up the stairs. How Hawke had bought him several pairs of jeans and cut up the left leg to allow room for the cast. Andy had wondered a little when Hawke asked him why he didn’t own any shorts, sunburned legs were no fun at all.

As long as he needed the crutches there would be no working. Amanda, his boss, had assured him when he went to fill out the accident report and the workman’s compensation forms that he would still have a job when he was released to work again. Without a working vehicle it would likely be in-store instead of delivering. The odds of him having a running vehicle were looking pretty slim.

Justin had brought his keys by late Sunday. He’d had the keys since the previous day and had sent Andy a text message, letting him know that all four house keys were in his possession. Because of the errands Andy had to run Saturday, Sunday evening was the first opportunity to do so.

Monday morning and afternoon had been spent at home with Merrill. No amount of convincing could get her to go to her shop this time. Hawke had gone to his classes as normal also stopping by his classes and explaining what had happened. Between him and Nate, Andy now had a week’s worth of study and homework to do. That, all things considered, was probably a blessing.

When Hawke had gotten home, Andy asked if they could go see his car and get all of the insurance papers filled out and sent. Actually seeing the vehicle had sent his mood plummeting. The whole left side was dented which might have been repairable. The left front side, by the tire, was a lost cause however. The axel had bent and the tire was sitting at an odd angle. The door was stuck shut and the point of impact looked like a canyon compared to the dents all along the side.

That was only what could be seen. The man that had taken them out to where his car sat had listed off several things wrong with the engine and had also said the frame was bent where the initial impact had occurred. It would have been possible, though extremely expensive to fix the rest, but the frame couldn’t be repaired. His car was a total loss.

“Great,” Andy muttered sullenly as he stood looking at his car. “Now I get to pay for a car I can’t use.”

“The insurance should be enough to pay it off,” Hawke said softly beside him. “Even if it isn’t I’ll make up the difference.”

“Hawke…” Andy began irritably.

“Don’t Andy,” Hawke said cutting him off. He was a little surprised at Hawke’s slightly angry tone. “I know you don’t want my money. I’m not about to watch you lose your ass financially when I can prevent it.”

Andy sighed and nodded his head, adding this to the growing pile of ‘to be dealt with later’ in his head. “Let’s go home,” he said tiredly.

Hawke and Merrill turned with him and walked silently beside him, keeping pace with his slower one. He hadn’t quite got the hang of the crutches yet due to all the sleeping he’d been doing since Saturday. The pain medication made him sleepy in addition to being up an inordinately long time on Saturday. They were all in Merrill’s car before anyone spoke again.

“So,” Andy said just to break the silence. “How was Starkhaven?”

“Starkhaven was just as pretentious as I figured it’d be,” Hawke said in his normal cheerful tone from the back seat. “Bethany’s head over heels for this Sebastian fellow.”

“What’s he like?” asked Merrill curiously.

“He’s good looking, brown hair, blue eyes, the sort of good looks one would expect from a statue and a voice that’s absolutely sinful,” said Hawke. Andy twisted around to see him and found the smirk he expected. “I can see why Bethany like’s him but he’s a little to stuck up for my tastes.”

“Will she be all right?” Merrill asked in concern.

“I think so,” Hawke said seriously. “He used to be a scoundrel but seems to have settled down after he found religion.” Andy wrinkled his nose and Hawke chuckled. “They’re planning on coming here for Winter’s End.”

“Another reason to not look forward to the holidays,” Andy said shaking his head and turning back around in the seat.

“Another reason?” Hawke repeated curiously. “What’s the first reason?”

“I can usually count on a nightmare sometime around Winter’s End,” Andy said with a shrug. “It was a big deal…before they died.”

“We’ll keep you busy enough at night that you’ll be too tired to have a bad dream,” Merrill said smiling.

“You’ll have the cast off by then,” Hawke said leaning forward again. His voice took on that smooth purr as he continued. “We’ll put you between us every night…”

“Sounds wonderfully distracting,” Andy said turning again. “Keep talking like that and I might need a distraction from thinking of your distraction.”

“That can be arranged,” Hawke said silkily kissing his shoulder briefly.

“Not in the car please,” Merrill interrupted primly. “I’d be so interested in watching you that I wouldn’t be watching the road.”

“I agree,” Andy said with a little shiver. “One accident is enough.”

“We all agree on that I think,” Hawke said sitting back in the seat. “When we get home though, I think it’s my turn for a ride.”

“Almost there,” Merrill said with a small smile.

Andy found himself looking forward to sex with Hawke during the rest of the drive home. It would be the first time he wasn’t either asleep or throbbing unpleasantly somewhere. He had been interested last night when he’d watched Hawke and Merrill but the pain medication had begun to kick in at that point. By the time they had finished Andy had barely enough energy to scoot closer to Hawke.

Getting out of the car and up the steps Hawke hovering closely behind him, wasn’t enough to curb his desire. Merrill went to make sure that Olivia was busy in the kitchen and joined them in the bedroom moments later. Clothes were discarded quickly and Hawke made sure he was comfortable lying on the bed. Merrill didn’t participate but she sat close by, skirt around her waist while her fingers slid in and out of her sex, keeping pace with Hawke as he rose and sunk on Andy’s stiff length.

There was a brief period of cuddling before they felt a need to get dressed. Olivia was still in the house and none of them wanted to traumatize her further. Merrill left to check on her again while Hawke stepped into the shower. Andy would have loved to join him but bathing with the cast was an ordeal to be endured once a day. As he sat on the edge of the bed carefully easing the cast back into his pants his thoughts wandered back to their conversation in the car and Hawke’s brief moment of anger.

When Hawke stepped back into the room rubbing the towel furiously over his wet hair, Andy asked the question that had been rolling around in his mind. “Just what is to your taste?” he asked curiously as he carefully stood to pull his pants all the way up.

“Pardon?” Hawke asked peering out from under the towel in confusion.

“In the car,” Andy explained as he tucked himself into his pants. “You said this Vael was too stuck up for your tastes. What are they? Besides poor and slightly pervy.”

Hawke snorted in amusement as he dropped the towel into the dirty basket. “Being poor isn’t a requirement. Are you asking in general or do you want to know why I’m very attached to you?”

Andy sat on the bed, wondering briefly if he truly wanted to know. Hawke stood in the bathroom doorway, hands on his hips, perfectly comfortable with his nakedness and waited patiently. “Me,” he said quietly after a small pause.

“Your good looks caught my eye first,” Hawke said. As he spoke he dug out a clean pair of underwear and a pair of shorts. “You smiled a lot, it seemed like all you needed was a picnic table and a good friend to be happy. Then you showed up to a high end restaurant wearing an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt.”

“I might have worn something more appropriate if Justin hadn’t made me furious just before that,” Andy said defensively.

“I loved it,” Hawke said adding a shirt to the clothing in his hands. “You knew you were out of place and it seemed like you didn’t care all that much. Not afraid to be yourself, that’s something that attracts me. Both you and Merrill aren’t intimidated by my name and family history.”

“I have quite a few well off friends,” Andy said leaning over to grab his shirt from the floor. “I’m used to being the guy with the least amount of cash in his wallet.”

“And yet you don’t look at me with dollar signs in your eyes,” Hawke said as he pulled on his clothes. “I know you’re here because you want to be, not because of what you can get out of me. You’re very independent and I like that to. Although I wish you weren’t quite so stubborn about accepting help when you need it.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me about all of these?” Andy asked plucking at the jeans he wore.

“That’s exactly why,” Hawke said sitting next to him. “Honestly, I have more money than I know what to do with. I didn’t want you to have to destroy the clothes that you worked hard for.”

“That’s…very thoughtful,” Andy said smiling. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” said Hawke giving him a brief one armed hug. “Let’s go see what’s for supper.”

“One more thing first,” Andy said as they both stood. Hawke handed him the crutches and he positioned them as he spoke. “Did you care about me as much when you first approached me as you do now?”

“I did care at first,” Hawke said. “As I got to know you it grew. That you indulge my sexual interests was icing on the cake.”

“What does that mean?” Andy asked beginning to smirk.

“You fucked me while you were working, you let me jerk you off in a crowded restaurant, you suggested screwing in the back yard so Arenburg could watch, and you were fine with what we did in the theater,” he said grinning. “I’ve been dying to get you both into a bar, find a dark corner table; I’d slip under it and suck you off while fingering Merrill.”

“Don’t do that,” Andy groaned. “I just got dressed!”

“Is that a yes?” Hawke asked his eyes sparkling mischievously.

“That’s a yes,” he said smiling.


	6. Too Much Time

Monday night was spent convincing Merrill that she didn’t need to stay with him during the day. Andy only succeeded after promising that his phone would be on his person at all times. Tuesday morning was spent napping on the couch after a breakfast of cold cereal eaten standing at the kitchen island. Homework and study followed in the afternoon as well as another pain medication induced coma on the couch, his broken leg propped up on the arm.

Tuesday night after Hawke and Merrill arrived home they all went to visit Justin. Andy spent time filling out insurance forms and they ended up eating dinner there as well. Once at home he spent some time on the couch in between them while attempting to watch a movie. They clung to him and he slept through at least half of it before being coaxed awake enough to go upstairs to bed.

The rest of the week passed in a similar manner with Andy staying awake a little more as the pain medication became less necessary. Gradually Hawke and Merrill were less attached to him at the hip. They were still obviously shaken but not quite as hands on about it. There were extra phone calls from both of them, which he appreciated immensely.

All of the free time he suddenly had wasn’t as appealing as it might have been a month ago. Besides the accident his thoughts returned again and again to Karl and the most recent nightmare. He also couldn’t stop thinking about what Hawke had told him, though neither of them had brought it up again. Andy had begun wondering why Merrill cared about him but hadn’t asked yet. Finding the courage was proving a little difficult.

If Olivia was disturbed by his constant presence at home she hid it well. Andy tried to stay out of her way regardless. He was eager to resume going to his classes but wasn’t looking forward to motivating through crowds with the crutches. It had become easy to get around the house but he’d need more space in a busy hallway than usual. The distraction from his near constant thoughts of Karl would be a very welcome change.

It was now Friday and he had the house to himself for the moment. Hawke had been by briefly to drop off his books then left shortly afterwards to pick up Carver and stop by the supermarket. Merrill hadn’t made it home yet and Andy was sitting in front of his closet cursing the crutches and the cast. He was searching through the clutter at the bottom looking for something he could haul his books around in. Kneeling was awkward and slightly painful so he sat on his rear, leaning into the closet pawing through what he could reach.

While he was stretching to reach a box in the furthest corner he heard Merrill downstairs calling his name. He called back to her as he wrestled the box closer. Andy was sifting through its contents when she poked her head in the door.

“There you are,” she said coming into the room. “What are you doing?”

Andy closed the box and pushed it back into the closet. He looked up at her and said, “Looking for a backpack or something else that will work for carrying my books.”

“Any luck?” Merrill asked curiously.

“No,” Andy sighed as he flopped onto his back.

“Would my shopping bag work?” Merrill said as she dropped down next to him.

“Yes,” he said after a moment of thought. It was a simple green canvas bag that she took with her to yard sales and flea markets. The handles could be looped over his wrist so he wouldn’t have to carry it. Hopefully it wouldn’t interfere with the crutches too badly. “Might be a little awkward but I think it would work fine. Won’t you need it though?”

“Not during the week,” Merrill said smiling. She leaned across him and pushed some junk out of her way then straddled his hips.

“Are you nice to everyone or am I just special?” Andy asked half-jokingly.

“I am nice to everyone,” Merrill said leaning down over him. “But you _are_ special.”

“Why?” said Andy quietly running his hands on top of her thighs suddenly deciding that he really did want to know.

She paused in her decent, face hovering inches above his. “I’m not just Hawke’s girlfriend to you. My…birthplace didn’t matter. You’re…attentive to me…in a way a lot of people haven’t been.”

“I like pleasing my partner,” Andy said smiling.

“It’s not just sex,” said Merrill with a brief shake of her head. “You’ve never complained about getting things off of high shelves for me. You come with me to the yard sales carry the bigger things to my car without complaining. You’re just…you.”

“What about Hawke?” he asked partly from curiosity and partly from embarrassment.

“He’s sweet and fun, caring…helped me adjust to Kirkwall when I moved here,” she said with a fond smile. “He is…I don’t know how to describe it. You understand don’t you? You feel it too?”

“I suppose I do,” Andy said affectionately. “He’s talented, thoughtful, generous…patient.”

“So why am I special to you?” Merrill asked innocently.

Andy thought, still running his hands along her thighs. Merrill smiled encouragingly as she waited patiently, brushing hair off of his forehead. “You patiently listen to my whining,” he said finally smiling sheepishly. “You don’t seem to care what others think. We’ve gotten a few looks out there and they don’t really bother either of you. Both of you know what I need before I do…and you’re fantastic in bed.”

“Hawke showed me much of what I know about pleasing a man,” she said smiling. “In the commune, sex is for reproduction. Doing it because you want to is frowned upon.”

“That sounds absolutely hideous,” Andy said with a smirk. “I can’t imagine you being that innocent.”

“Hawke helped me figure out what I like,” Merrill said her smile turning wicked.

Andy smirked before closing the small amount of space between them. His hands rose from her thighs to her ass, rubbing and squeezing as she plundered his mouth. He really liked where this conversation had led. Sex had been slack lately, a side effect of pain and not being able to keep one’s eyes open. Merrill’s kisses went straight to his cock which was quickly stiffening. There was only a brief pause when they heard Hawke calling out for them.

She turned towards the door and hollered to him but was right back to Andy in seconds. He returned her almost desperate kisses fervently while pulling her shirt out of her jeans. His hands slid up her sides and around to her back. Merrill began rubbing her still clothed sex against his jeans encumbered length as he deftly undid the catches on her bra.

He moved his hands between them, still under her shirt, and pushed up the satin material to cup both of her breasts. They heard the door close as Merrill groaned softly, taking his bottom lip between her teeth as he kneaded the soft flesh in his hands. She pulled away, arching into his hands. 

“How disappointing,” Hawke said silkily as he sat on the bed not far away. “No one’s undressed yet.”

“I think we were just getting to that part,” Andy said breathlessly.

“Don’t mind me then,” he replied smoothly. “I’ll just sit here and watch.”

“Hawke,” Merrill panted. “Could you get us a condom please?”

“Absolutely,” said Hawke with a grin. “I’ll be right back.”

In the minute or so Hawke was gone, Merrill shed all of her clothes quickly and had his jeans open just enough to free his cock. She rubbed herself against him wantonly, encouraging him to sit as they heard the door close again. Hawke took his place back on the bed quietly after handing Andy the condom.

Merrill was soon writhing in his lap with her hands on his shoulders, his length buried inside of her. Andy held her hips, helping the motion while they exchanged kisses. He ran his tongue around her stiff peaks when she straightened. He sucked first on one then the other, the motion of her hips never stopping, hearing Hawke’s quite gasps as he stroked himself while watching them, it didn’t take very long for Andy to reach his peak.

Andy groaned as his cock pulsed and moved a hand to rub her pearl as she rode out his orgasm. She moaned loudly and clenched around him, movement slowly grinding to a halt. Hawke groaned rather loudly as well, catching his spend in one hand.

“So when are we going to the bar?” Andy asked contentedly as he rested his head between her breasts.

Merrill giggled and wrapped her arms around him. Hawke smirked as he knelt next to them on the floor, his pants still undone with his underwear hooked under his balls. “We’ll see how well you do at school Monday,” he said transferring the semen in his hand to Merrill’s breast.

Andy sucked it off with a smirk, listening to her soft sigh as he swallowed it. Hawke kissed him deeply immediately afterwards. They spent a few minutes on the floor of Andy’s room that he’d never slept in, arms around each other exchanging affectionate kisses. He sighed contentedly, enjoying the attention and wishing he could say what he truly felt for both of them.


	7. An Epiphiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mentions of underage sex.
> 
> Big thanks to Ophelias. =)

The weekend passed as most did, with homework, Carver grumbling and an afternoon nap that Andy just couldn’t seem to do without. He had many things circling in his mind about Hawke, Merrill and even himself. By the time lunch had come around on Monday he wasn’t thinking of anything except how much his leg hurt.

He lay on the ground with both of his lower legs propped on the bench of his picnic table. The crutches were next to him as well as his books and one arm thrown over his eyes to block the sun. There had been plenty of sympathy from his classmates and getting through the crowded halls hadn’t been quite as bad as he’d feared. Most people had moved aside for him but squeezing by some of the larger groups had been frustrating.

“Andy?”

“Hello Hawke,” he said without moving.

“Are you all right?” Hawke asked.

The heavy concern he heard made him move his arm. Hawke was crouched next to him, his books sitting on the ground beside him. Nate stood behind him and Andy twiddled his fingers and tried to smile. “Sure,” Andy said. “It just hurts a little more than I expected it to.”

“Do you want me to take you home?” said Hawke, his brows pulled down slightly with a small frown.

“No,” sighed Andy. “I still have two more classes.”

“There’s no need to push yourself,” Hawke said his frown deepening. “I’m sure your Professors will understand.”

“I’ll be all right,” Andy said smiling. “I brought one of the pain pills with me. I’ll just have to keep my eyes open during class.”

“Let’s go get some lunch then,” Nate said.

Hawke was still obviously concerned but helped Andy to his feet and even carried his books during the short walk to the café. He sat next to Hawke, on the inside of the booth, with his leg propped up on the bench next to Nate. Andy dug the medication out of the tiny pocket of his jeans and swallowed it down with water.

Their lunch came quickly and Andy listened to them talk more than he spoke. Their concerned glances weren’t missed however. He managed to make it through his next class with his leg propped up on a nearby chair. During his last class however he simply couldn’t stay awake. His eyes slipped closed as he was taking notes and the Professor woke him when the class had ended.

After assuring her that he had a ride home Andy made his way groggily to the Art Gallery where he was to meet Hawke. The ride home was only half-remembered as well as being half-carried to the couch. They were at the table eating supper when Andy finally woke again. His plate was still warm thankfully.

“Are you going to be all right going to school tomorrow?” Hawke asked pushing his empty plate away.

“Tuesday and Thursday are short days so I should be okay,” Andy said with a wry smile. “You or Nate can bring me home at lunch and I can pass out on the couch as usual. It’s Wednesday and Friday that’s going to be tricky.”

“The drop deadline was last week too,” said Hawke frowning. “There must be something you can work out with your Professors.”

“I don’t know what,” said Andy sitting back in his chair. “One of the classes is mostly notes and reading and tests. I didn’t honestly expect my leg to hurt so badly.”

“You haven’t been doing a lot either,” Merrill said as she gathered the plates.

“True,” Andy said with a shrug. “I’m not generally doing much in class either, not physically at least.”

“Still have to get to class,” Hawke said. “Taking notes might not be strenuous but most teachers frown on you lounging around while you do it.”

“Point taken,” Andy said smiling as he leaned back in his chair. “I still need to take it easy but I can’t keep up if I don’t go to class.”

“You could take something with you that isn’t as strong,” Merrill suggested. “You know, take the edge off the pain but won’t put you to sleep.”

“And have a nap if I need one when I get home,” said Andy. “You’re full of good ideas Merrill.”

She smiled warmly and took the dishes to the kitchen with Hawke following behind her. Andy stayed in the dining room thinking of how lucky he’d been to find them, except they had found him. Both of them had been much more patient with him than he would have been. His impatience had often frustrated Justin. Karl had been extremely patient with him as well.

He was still thinking of Karl when the three of them retired to the living room. Instead of watching a movie like they might have done or working on homework like they should have done, Andy ended up telling them of the entire two years he spent with Karl. They ended up on the floor, Hawke reclining against the couch with Andy’s head resting in his lap. Merrill lay on her side with her head resting on his stomach.

Andy began with his first shy conversation with Karl and the happy discovery that his interest was returned. Their first date, how Karl had taken his virginity while Andy was bent over the hood of his car, Justin catching them fooling around. He left nothing out, he even spoke of the few arguments they’d had. Andy told them of all the little things Karl did for him, like buying him the toy to keep them both out of trouble, tutoring him in grammar and how he often spent days with Karl after a rare nightmare just being held.

Speaking of their last day together was difficult. Andy spoke of their final encounter in great detail. How every kiss and caress had been perfect, how he’d felt that deeper connection with every thrust and the crushing heartbreak afterwards. He ended with his self-destructive behavior and how he’d eventually put Karl behind him.

“My god Andy,” Hawke said softly after he’d finally fallen silent. The hand he had resting on Andy’s chest gripped his shirt for a moment then flattened out again.

The small tremor in his voice caused Andy to look up at him. His eyes were closed, frowning deeply as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Hawke?”

“I’ve always wondered about this guy since the night we met Justin,” he said his voice still soft. “From what you’ve just told us…he loved you. What could have possibly made him do that?”

“I don’t know,” Andy said turning his gaze back to the ceiling. “I wanted to know very badly at first but as time passed…I just didn’t care anymore.”

“You still love him,” Merrill said confidently.

A denial of her quiet statement came immediately to his lips but he held it in and thought about it instead. The room was silent for a few long minutes. Andy looked down his body at her small understanding smile, he felt Hawke’s fingers running through his hair and he closed his eyes.

“I…guess I do,” he said softly. He opened his eyes and gazed at the ceiling. “It wouldn’t be the same though if he suddenly came back…would it.”

“Probably not,” Merrill said rubbing his stomach just in front of her nose.

“You may be over the immediate hurt,” Hawke said softly. “But it’s helped shape you into who you are now.”

“And you both…love…me anyway,” said Andy uncertainly looking first up at Hawke then down at Merrill.

“Yes,” Hawke began sincerely.

“We do,” Merrill finished warmly. She stood suddenly and pulled him to a sitting position. “Let’s move this up to the bedroom.”

“Thank you for trusting us with this,” Hawke said helping Andy to his feet.

Andy leaned on him while Merrill turned for his crutches. He pulled her into a hug instead of taking them. “I hadn’t intended on telling either of you any of this,” Andy said quietly. “But I’m glad I did. I won’t say no to a nice long distraction, but it’s not necessary this time. Thank you for being so patient with me.”

“You’re worth it,” Hawke said after placing a gentle kiss on the shell of his ear. “Let’s go upstairs and see what happens.”

After they helped him with a bath all that happened was a lot of cuddling. Andy fell asleep with Hawke pressed to his back and Merrill lying against his chest. Hawke’s arm was draped over both of them and he felt better than he had in a long time.


	8. A Lazy Morning, a Day Trip and an Important Decision

Mornings in the Hawke house were typically busy affairs. During the week Andy and Hawke were usually hurrying to get breakfast so they could get to class on time. Merrill was a little less rushed but she liked to open her little antique shop early. Weekends were generally a little more laid back since none of them had anywhere they absolutely had to be in the mornings but they all liked to stay busy. This morning, Saturday, Andy was feeling a bit lazy.

The first week Andy had spent at home because of his leg, he often woke with Hawke and Merrill, seeing them off then working on what he could of his homework before the pain in his leg drove him to the couch. This last week at school, their mornings had been just about as hectic as they normally were. Andy liked to shower in the mornings usually but since that was difficult with the cast the extra time was used to get to school earlier so Andy wouldn’t be late.

Tuesday and Thursday had gone as Andy had expected them to. Nate drove him home one day and Hawke the other. He’d fallen asleep on the couch after a quick lunch and woke with enough time for some homework before Hawke and Merrill got home. Wednesday hadn’t been as bad as Monday; he’d managed to stay awake in class at least and ended up napping for a little bit. Friday had been better still, his leg hadn’t hurt quite as badly and he actually didn’t fall asleep until they went to bed.

All throughout the week Andy hadn’t thought of Karl as much as he had been since the nightmare. Instead he began to think about why the nightmare had changed after so many years. None of them had brought up their conversation Monday night but both Hawke and Merrill were a bit freer with their affections.

There had always been plenty of touching between the three of them but sometimes it was different now. There were still plenty of playful gropes, rubbing or kisses meant to inspire lust but it was becoming just as often for nothing else to come of it. An arm casually slung around a waist or shoulders, chaste kisses to cheeks or lips or in Hawke’s case any bit of Andy his lips happened to be close to.

It always gave him a warm feeling inside and Andy found himself craving that feeling more often. Andy didn’t honestly know how to show them his appreciation for their thoughtfulness and their patience. He still couldn’t bring himself to use the “L” word for his feelings but he was much more comfortable with all the little public displays of affection. He found himself watching them a little more out of curiosity, trying to see the little affections they gave each other.

It wasn’t surprising to discover that there were things that did with each other that were somewhat different than what they did for him. There were typical couple things like holding hands, kissing or hugging that all three of them did. Merrill would often run her hands along Hawke’s arms instead of a hug when they parted in the morning. Hawke was always kissing her forehead or the shell of her ears. There were also things that were exactly the same, like Merrill curling up in a lap or the way Hawke came up behind both of them and gave them a brief bear hug.

He had also begun reflecting in his copious amounts of spare time. Andy had discovered that when it came to penetrative sex, Merrill liked different things from the two men in her life. While the three of them often fucked anywhere they could realistically get away with it, Merrill normally had Hawke above her somehow. Whether she was bent over any handy surface or, like this morning, she was flat on her back Hawke was typically in control. With Andy, Merrill generally liked to be on top. He couldn’t count the times she’d been writhing in his lap on the couch or while they sat in one of the dining room chairs, most often with her completely nude and him mostly clothed.

It wasn’t a very surprising discovery. He and Hawke were different physically and it made sense that different things felt better. Hawke’s penis was thicker and a little shorter than Andy’s and he preferred slow deep thrusting to Andy’s often rapid thrusting. Hawke had a bulky very well-muscled body compared to his lean and wiry frame. Andy fully understood the appeal of being under Hawke but he often wondered why Merrill liked to simply free his cock before riding it enthusiastically.

The only thing on his mind currently however was watching Hawke drive into Merrill. Andy was fairly certain they knew he was awake though they hadn’t acknowledged him yet. This scenario had been played out on many weekend mornings and was very typical. Sometimes it was Merrill watching him and Hawke or Hawke watching him and Merrill. Every once in a while one of them would be in between the other two. Since they had woken before him, he was content to watch Hawke’s muscles flex as he thrust into her. He watched Merrill’s breasts bounce as they kissed, her legs over his thighs, her hands gripping his strong arms. Listening to their soft groans and the smack of lips on flesh as they kissed, adding his own soft moans while he stroked himself.

Andy rolled to his back, speeding up his pace as tension built. One by one they all felt that sudden pleasurable release. The room was filled with contented panting while they lay still for a moment. Hawke leaned over briefly and kissed his shoulder before sitting up on his feet, his softening member resting on Merrill’s mound. She smiled over at him and Andy smiled back before sucking his own spend off of his fingers.

They must have been feeling a bit lazy as well because after tossing the condom in the trash, Hawke settled between him and Merrill with a happy sigh. She rolled to her side, resting her head on one shoulder and his arm settled around her. Andy cleaned up the rest of his mess before following her example and resting his head on Hawke’s other shoulder. He immediately felt Hawke’s arm around him, hand settled at his hip.

“How are you feeling?” Hawke asked resting his cheek on top of Andy’s head after a while.

“Good,” Andy murmured softly. He moved his right leg over Hawke’s and began rubbing the bottom of his foot with his toes. “Feeling a bit lazy.”

“Do you think you can handle a little day trip out of the city?” said Hawke softly rubbing his hip.

“I should probably work on homework but I suppose I can do that tomorrow,” said Andy after a moment of thought. “It might be nice to get out.”

“We can stop somewhere and get a nice lunch and have a picnic,” Merrill said excitedly. “Are we going to need the sleeping bag?”

“Why would we need a sleeping bag for a day trip?” Andy asked in puzzlement.

“I’m planning on bringing your book with me,” Hawke said. “If I can find the right spot I’d like to draw another picture of you.”

“With the cast?” said Andy rising up on his elbow.

“I would have preferred without,” said Hawke smiling. “I really want to draw you sitting on a picnic table like you do at school but I’ll have to find one that’s out of the way first.”

“Now I see what the sleeping bag is for,” Andy said smiling as he lowered himself back to his previous position. “Sounds good.”

“Great,” he said excitedly giving Andy a brief squeeze.

Andy couldn’t help but smile at Merrill’s excited chatter and Hawke’s quiet enthusiasm as they all got dressed. It was refreshing after all the worried looks since his accident. Carver seemed to be glad that he’d have the house to himself for most of the day. He made sure he had one of his pain pills while they gathered the things they would need. There was a brief stop at a supermarket for sandwiches, drinks and ice for the cooler Hawke had put in the bed of his truck.

Since there was no need to hurry, they also stopped for breakfast before Hawke drove them to Sundermount. With the windows down and the radio blaring, the three of them sang along as paved roads gave way to hardpan then to a well-used single lane. Hawke slowed over the bumpy bits when the single lane became little more than ruts. Andy was thoroughly lost quickly but both Hawke and Merrill seemed to know exactly where they were.

There was a lot of talking and laughing as they drove. Being a city-boy, Andy was surprised at the fresh air and all the different plants and animals Merrill pointed out to him. He found it wasn’t entirely disagreeable and was enjoying himself immensely. The sun was high overhead when Hawke pulled the truck into a large clearing.

“Here,” he said with a wide grin. “This is perfect.”

“In the flowers?” Merrill asked leaning forward between them from the back seat.

“You know me well darling,” Hawke said as he shut the engine off. “The grass won’t be uncomfortable to lie in and all those colors...”

In front of them was a large expanse of green grass with a line of trees off to one side and what might have been a sharp drop off in the distance. Towards the middle there was a thick patch of colorful wildflowers that thinned at the edges of the clearing. Kirkwall could be seen in the distance and the bulk of the mountain rose to their right with a few wispy clouds in the azure sky.

“It’s beautiful,” said Andy softly.

He tore his gaze away from the scenery when he heard the doors open. Hawke came around the front of the truck as Andy opened his door. With his support, Andy was soon out of his seat and making his way carefully to where Merrill was spreading out a thick sleeping bag. She helped him to sit down while Hawke brought the cooler and the bag they had packed.

After a filling lunch full of quiet chatter Hawke was eager to begin. Andy was undressed and stood still, one hand resting on Hawke’s shoulder to keep his balance, while Merrill rubbed sunscreen over every inch of his skin. She was very thorough, back, chest, face, legs, ass, genitals and even his toes. When she was finished Merrill stood on her toes and gave him and Hawke a quick kiss.

“I’m going to pick flowers,” she said with a broad smile. “Have fun.” Merrill skipped away towards the thickest flower beds with sparkling eyes and an almost childlike joy.

“She looks very happy,” said Andy as he shook his head a little and smiled.

“Merrill spent most of her childhood on this mountain,” Hawke said fondly. He moved closer to Andy, putting his arm around his waist. “We usually come up here a little more often.”

“It’s very nice out here,” Andy said moving his arm around Hawke’s neck.

Together they made their way across the field to a spot where the grass wasn’t very tall. Andy was helped down to the ground. He was directed where to put his head, fingers laced underneath, left leg extended straight and his right foot flat on the ground. Andy smiled again as Hawke fussed, pulling his upright knee out a tiny bit, brushing hair off of his forehead and once more rearranging his flaccid cock. A tall purple flower close to his right hip rested on his thigh, and his left leg was surrounded by little yellow ones.

Hawke stood back and circled him. He nodded after a moment and knelt next to Andy. “Thank you Andy,” he said affectionately.

“That smile is definitely worth it,” Andy said fondly.

His grin widened before placing a quick kiss on Andy’s lips. “Try not move. Just watch the clouds overhead and let your thoughts drift.”

“All right,” said Andy.

Andy could see Hawke out of the corner of his eye but he did as he was asked. Watching the wispy clouds above him at first he thought about how he never would have envisioned this. Lying naked in a field of flowers just to see a man’s smile wasn’t something he would have ever thought he’d willingly agree to. Even the possibility of a good buggering was a distant second to catching a glimpse of Hawke with that open and honestly happy smile.

It was a little frightening how much Andy wanted to keep that smile from disappearing. Inevitably this led to thoughts of Karl and his two most recent nightmares. With their relationship still fairly new Merrill had been gone when he had the previous one. He wasn’t sure when he’d begun to fall for them but with Hawke gone during the most recent one Andy was beginning to agree with Nate. It couldn’t be just a strange coincidence. When he added in Karl’s strange presence in his most recent nightmare, it was starting to look like maybe Nate was right about that as well.

Most of his current worry was centered on his suddenly absent first love and the fear that Hawke and Merrill would follow suit. While he was trying to think of reasons why they would never leave him that he only half believed Hawke appeared at his side. His sunny grin was replaced with concern quickly.

“Hawke,” Andy said quietly before he could say anything. “I want to know why he left.”

“I know someone who might be able to help us find out,” said Hawke seriously. “I’d love to know too.”

Andy smiled, pushing away all of his thoughts as he pulled Hawke down to him. He focused on soft lips and warm skin. Hawke eagerly accepted his tongue and they broke apart only after the need for air became too great. His trousers were tented and Andy rubbed his cock through them.

“Thank you for everything,” Andy said quietly. “Right now though, I really, really want you to fuck me.”

“As you wish,” Hawke said leaning down for another kiss.


	9. Carver's Confession

After a deep kiss Andy was helped to lie on the sleeping bag that had been cleared of their lunch. Hawke stripped quickly and there was more kissing, plenty of touching and even a bit of chuckling while they figured out how to do it without hurting Andy’s leg. They settled on their right sides, Andy’s left leg resting on the sleeping bag in front of him. Hawke settled in behind him, taking his time stretching him open.

His pace was also slow, kissing and sucking Andy’s neck while his hand wandered all over Andy’s torso. Hawke eventually threaded their fingers together. Andy twisted to find his lips, moving together, breathing heavily between passionate kisses. It wasn’t the biggest release but when they lay still, entwined together afterward, Andy thought that it was pretty close to the best. Only Merrill’s involvement somehow would have made it better.

Andy slept most of the way back to Kirkwall and woke to light kisses on his cheek from Merrill. They had a leisurely dinner and made it home with most of the evening still in front of them. After the truck had been unloaded Hawke locked himself away in his study with Andy’s book. With Merrill arranging the large bunch of flowers she’d collected in vases around the house, Andy settled next to the pool with his anatomy book wondering why his clothes were annoying him.

He was able to concentrate with most of his worries still far back in his mind. Hawke hadn’t said anything more to him about whom it was he knew that could possibly help them find out what had happened to Karl. There would be plenty of time to speak of it later. He knew Hawke was eager to finish what he had drawn this afternoon. Andy was excited to see it, curious at what facial expression he had caught. While he was studying the various back muscles he was interrupted by Carver unceremoniously flopping into the chair across from him.

“Hello Carver,” Andy said politely before trying to concentrate on his book again. The younger Hawke muttered something that might have been a greeting before settling in. His stony stare was extremely distracting.

“Is there a reason I’ve been graced with your awesome presence?” Andy said flippantly looking up from his book.

“Why are you pink,” he replied shortly.

Andy sat back and pulled up his shirt. Despite the sunscreen he’d still burned a little. “That’s what happens when pale people, such as me, expose their skin to the sun for an extended period of time,” Andy explained patiently. “Is there anything else I can help you with? I’m trying to study.”

Carver frowned and leaned forward. “I’m trying to figure out what Garrett sees in you.”

“He’d know that better than I would,” Andy said with a shrug as he leaned forward over his textbook. When Carver still hadn’t left Andy sighed and sat back. “What do you want Carver?”

“None of them told me about you,” said Carver obviously trying to control his temper. “I never suspected that Garrett…liked men. I came home expecting a nice family get-together and found my brother with a cock stuck up his ass and his girlfriend nowhere around. Sometimes I wish Bethany had taken downstairs.”

“We weren’t expecting anyone,” Andy said patiently. “That’s not how I would have chosen to introduce myself.”

“Then why weren’t you in the bedroom like normal people? Behind a closed door where someone isn’t likely to walk in and be scarred for life.”

“Because we were alone,” said Andy now trying to hold his temper. “The only person we expected to walk in was Merrill. We’ve all screwed each other all over this house, spent quite a few nights naked in front of the TV. We’ve fucked right here in the backyard. Why should we go to the bedroom when there’s no one else in the house? Just because we don’t mind being watched doesn’t mean we aren’t normal either.” He watched Carver’s expression go from angry to horrified but found no satisfaction in it. Andy crossed his arms over his chest and added irritably, “God you’re such a brat. How do people put up with me?”

“I didn’t want to know any of that,” Caver said sounding a little appalled. He scrubbed his face with his hands and leaned back, dropping his hands to his lap while he looked at the darkening sky. “I just want to understand why.”

“Why what?” said Andy starting to feel exasperated as well as angry. “Why Hawke likes dick and gets off on being watched? We enjoy it. That’s all there is to understand. My friend Nate liked fucking me. He’s even sucked me off quite a few times but he _didn’t_ like my dick up his ass. That was fine with me. I understand that not everyone likes having their ass penetrated. I was perfectly happy to bottom all the time with him because we both enjoyed it.”

Carver grimaced and then growled, “He has a girlfriend. What are you even doing here?”

“I’m here because they _both_ want me here,” Andy said reaching for his crutches as he stood. “I’m here because _I want_ to be here. Some people have big hearts. Go find a girl you adore Carver. You might understand a little better.”

Leaving his book on the table Andy hobbled away, leaving Carver at the table to fume by himself before he did truly lose his temper. He met Merrill on the way in and asked her to retrieve the book. She looked a little puzzled but nodded amiably. Andy made his way up the stairs and into Hawke’s bedroom. At least he knew why his clothes were irritating him now.

He stripped quickly and lay on his back on the bed, his phone held above him as he worked on a text message to Justin. Dealing with Carver had made him feel the need to apologize for his own bratty behavior again. Andy also relayed a quick summary of his conversation to his brother, hoping he hadn’t made things worse somehow between him and Carver. Merrill had entered the bedroom while he’d been engrossed with his phone. When he finally dropped his arms to the bed, setting the phone next to him, Andy found her waiting patiently with a bottle of clear gel.

“I guess we’ll need some stronger sunblock,” she said sympathetically. “I burned the first couple of times too.”

“It’s not too bad,” Andy said with a smile. She offered a hand and he was helped to a standing position. “I’ve definitely had worse sunburns. I didn’t really notice it much until Carver pointed it out.”

“Did you two have an argument?” Merrill asked as she squirted a generous amount of the gel into her palm. “He seemed pretty upset.”

The bedroom door opened again before he could reply. Andy looked over and saw Hawke’s face go from happiness to annoyance. Merrill glanced at Hawke before turning back to him and began rubbing the soothing gel on his chest and shoulders.

“Damn it,” Hawke said grumpily. “I was hoping that wouldn’t happen.”

“It’s not bad,” said Andy with a small shrug. He grinned as he continued “Besides now you get to ogle me for the rest of the night.”

“I do that anyway,” Hawke said with a small smile. “We’ll get some stronger sunblock. You shouldn’t have to suffer to indulge my quirks.”

“Are you finished?” asked Merrill as she rubbed aloe onto Andy’s cheeks.

“I am,” Hawke said as he crossed the room, setting his sketchbook on the bed. He stood close and like he had earlier, Andy kept his balance with a hand on Hawke’s shoulder.

Merrill squirted another generous amount of gel into her palm and knelt to his stomach. “Did you argue with Carver Andy?”

“I’m not sure I’d call it an argument,” he said. “We…”

Andy was interrupted by a strangled cry from the hallway followed quickly by an angry shout from Hawke’s little brother. “Close the fucking door! _I do not want to see this shit!_ ”

None of them had noticed that Hawke had left the door open. Frozen by his startled yell, Andy took in their positions. Hawke, shirtless as usual, had his back to the door with his shoulder gripped in Andy’s hand. Andy was standing with his side to the door, Merrill kneeling in front of him both hands wrapped around his completely flaccid cock. There was just enough space between him and Hawke that Merrill would have been clearly visible from the doorway since they were by the foot of the bed.

“Oh dear,” Merrill said after they had listened to him stomping quickly down the hall and the loud slam of his bedroom door. “This does look a little…suggestive.”

“It’s been such a nice day,” Hawke groaned. “I’d better go talk to him.”

“Hang on a minute,” said Andy. “I might have upset him a little.”

While Merrill finished rubbing in the gel Andy relayed his conversation to both of them. Hawke looked furious and stormed out of the room. Merrill looked torn between staying with Andy and following their irate boyfriend. Angry shouts began echoing down the hallway and she turned towards the door with a worried frown. Andy’s phone went off before she’d made it very far. Scanning Justin’s reply quickly produced a startled squawk from him that turned her around.

“Good god,” said Andy in amazement. “What else does he know?”

“Andy?” she said with a worried look over her shoulder.

“It’s Justin. I sent him a message apologizing for being a brat and explaining what had happened with Carver. I was hoping for some advice.”

“I think we could use some,” Merrill said with a wince at more angry shouts from both Hawke and Carver.

“I didn’t tell Justin the example I’d used was Nate but he knew exactly who I was referring to,” Andy said as he hopped across the room. With his phone still clutched in one hand, he stopped at Hawke’s dresser to find a pair of his shorts. “I didn’t think he knew we’d had sex regularly until Nate finally asked Elissa out.” Andy read her the reply from Justin while he hopped back to the bed so that he could pull on the shorts.

“I suspect the details of the depth of your activities with Nathaniel were unnecessary. If the incident in question still bothers him it must have troubled him deeply. I would suggest the four of you sit down and have a discussion before resentment has any more of a chance to fester. Keeping your activities with Hawke and Merrill out of his sight and hearing would also be helpful.”

“Come on,” she said anxiously with a little shake of her head. “I haven’t heard them yell like this for a long time.”

He followed her out of the bedroom and their shouts became clear. Both were in the hallway, red faced and nearly nose to nose with clenched fists. Merrill interposed herself between them fearlessly, one hand on each chest. Carver recoiled from her as if stung.

“Stop this, both of you!” Merrill exclaimed sternly.

Hawke fell silent and let her push him across the hall until he was backed against the wall and turned to face Carver while leaning back against him. Andy stopped a short distance away and almost fell backwards when Carver rounded on him suddenly.

“I hate you,” he spat viciously. “Just have to flaunt yourself. Show off what I can’t have.”

“She was rubbing aloe gel on my sunburn,” Andy said once more trying to keep his temper. “Hawke didn’t…”

“On your dick,” Carver interrupted with an incredulous sneer.

“Yes,” said Andy his voice rising. “On my dick. I spent thirty minutes to an hour lying naked in a field of flowers today.”

“What in the fuck is your problem Carver?” Hawke snarled furiously. “This is beyond your normal petty bullshit. Why is my love life so damn important to you?”

“Perfect Garrett,” Carver said resentfully turning back to his brother. “First born, everyone’s favorite. Gets everything he wants.” He turned back to Andy as he continued. “What happens when the girl you adore doesn’t know you exist? When she’s madly in love with your perfect older brother who is…is… _sharing her_ with another man so he can have absolutely everything he wants?”

“You have a crush on Merrill,” Andy said into the shocked silence. “No wonder you hate me so much.”

“Carver…” said Merrill in a small voice.

“Don’t,” Carver said shaking his head.

He pushed passed Andy suddenly, knocking him off balance. The crutches bounced to the floor as Andy knocked his head against the wall and slid down it carefully with his leg now throbbing painfully. Carver was bounding down the stairs when Merrill neatly jumped over Andy’s legs.

“Stay with Andy,” she called commandingly over her shoulder as she ran after Hawke’s brother. Moments later they heard the front door being slammed.

“We didn’t know,” Hawke said sadly after another long moment had passed. He knelt beside Andy, looking troubled. “Why didn’t we notice?”

“He didn’t want you to notice,” Andy said softly. “Merrill will bring him back.”


	10. Hawke's Family

Andy was helped to his feet, leaning against the wall while Hawke brought the crutches. Assuring the man that he was all right, he suggested they sit in the dining room. Hawke went downstairs after a reluctant nod, still looking troubled. Andy briefly went back to the bedroom to get Merrill’s shopping bag. He paused, looking at the sketchbook that sat on the bed, shook his head slightly and left it where it sat. Instead he searched until he found one of Hawke’s other sketchbooks and dumped it into the bag. As quickly as he was able, Andy descended the stairs and found Hawke standing in the open doorway.

“Come on,” Andy said softly with a hand on his shoulder. “They’ll be back.”

Hawke nodded absently, a small grateful smile flashing across his features, closed the door and headed slowly for the dining room. Merrill had likely been more worried about Andy when she’d ordered Hawke to stay with him. Andy was more worried about Hawke. He cared a great deal for his siblings. Seeing such deep resentment from Carver, never guessing the source was disturbing him greatly.

It bothered Andy too. However unintentional he had helped the rift that already stood between them grow. Having recently bridged a gap between him and his own brother, Andy hoped fervently that something could be done. He stopped in the living room to hitch up the shorts and looked around for the next object on his quickly thought up list.

He found a pencil lying on an end table in the living room and added it to the bag. His next stop was the kitchen where he added his pain medication and a can of soda for himself. Andy then joined Hawke in the dining room, stopping at the liquor cabinet on the way for a bottle of whisky and a glass. Andy set the bag down next to Hawke carefully and pulled out the chair next to him. He was staring at the table, frowning and deep in thought.

Andy dug through the bag after he had carefully lowered himself into the chair and pulled out the sketchbook. Flipping through until he found a clean sheet, he then placed it in front of Hawke and dug for the pencil. He set it on top of the sketchbook and received a wan smile from Hawke. Andy rubbed his back briefly before going back to the bag. His pain pills and the can of soda were next and he downed one quickly. Lastly he poured some whisky into the glass.

“Here,” said Andy holding it out.

The upset look hadn’t changed but Hawke took the glass after a moment and downed its contents. He cleared his throat and shook his head as the glass was set on the table. After another moment had passed Hawke took the pencil and turned the sketchbook sideways. Andy sat back and closed his eyes after he propped his leg on the chair across from him, wishing he could take a shot of the whisky too.

That Merrill would bring Carver back to the house he didn’t doubt. How much time it would take was unknown. Andy turned slightly and saw that Hawke was deep in thought, the pencil skating quickly across the paper and sat back again, letting his own thoughts wander. He thought back through every encounter he’d had with Carver.

It had been clear from the very beginning that Carver didn’t like him. At the time Andy had assumed it was because he’d caught him and Hawke having sex in the rec room. When you didn’t know you’re older brother even fancied men, finding him like that had to have been quite a shock. It had been a natural assumption to think that Carver was just homophobic when added to Hawke’s earlier observations. Andy thought that he probably was a little but he knew now that there was much more to it than just that.

Harboring a crush for two years on your older brother’s girlfriend, discovering that said older brother now had a man in his life as well had likely created a lot of jealousy that Carver just didn’t know what to do with. When Andy had confronted him on the morning of the big dinner, the feelings between Hawke, Merrill and himself were still being hidden. Carver likely knew something was different but he didn’t see the affection that flowed freely between the three of them now.

Carver had to think that this was still simply about Hawke wanting dick and offering sex with his girlfriend in return. How Carver had dealt with his crush for two long years without revealing it was beyond Andy. His presence had thrown everything out of whack. Andy had waltzed in, taken what he had wanted for so long and, to Carver at least, had taken every opportunity to throw it back in his face. His hatred made so much more sense.

He remembered asking Carver why he hated Andy that morning. Carver had asked the very same question that he had not an hour ago. What are you even doing here? He hadn’t given a very straight forward answer either time. Andy hadn’t lied either time. There were no deceptions at the beginning and he still believed that it was none of his business. If Andy didn’t want to be here then he wouldn’t be. When stripped of all extraneous clutter, the answer was simple. He loved them, both of them. The thought wrenched a short but audible whimper from him.

Hawke looked over at him with a tiny frown, pencil poised just above the paper. “Andy?”

“Just thinking,” Andy said with a very brief smile. “I’m all right…just…worried.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Hawke said softly. “Carver and I have always got on like cats and dogs. I just…didn’t think he hated me so much.”

“I don’t think he hates you Hawke,” Andy sighed. “I’m the one he hates. He’s jealous.”

Silence fell after Hawke shook his head slightly. The pencil resumed its scratching and Andy slouched in the chair. With one hand resting on Hawke’s thigh and the other on his stomach, Andy tried not to think about anything. It was hard to empty his mind however. He couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen. Part of him sort of expected to be thrown out. As the minutes ticked by he wrestled with himself, calling to mind examples of the depth of Hawke’s feelings for him.

After a while Hawke squeezed his hand briefly and stood. “Where are you going?” Andy asked sitting up and reaching for the crutches leaning on the table not far away.

“My study,” Hawke said with a hand on his shoulder. “It needs some color. I’ll be right back.”

Andy watched him hurry out of the room and leaned over curiously to look at the sketch he’d left on the table. It was rough, lacking in the details that were normally present but some of the people in it were still recognizable. In the top left corner three people stood in a line, Hawke in the middle with an arm around the other two. He’d seen enough drawings of himself and Merrill to recognize that they were the people to either side, their hands linked together in front of Hawke.

Towards the top middle there was a couple. The woman he thought was Bethany, her arm around the waist of the man next to her. Both trio and couple were looking fondly at what he’d drawn in the middle of the paper. An older couple, sitting with their legs crossed, knees touching. The woman was stately looking; back straight, shoulder length hair hooked behind one ear, smiling down at the baby wrapped in a blanket that she held. The man was scruffy, long hair pulled back in a messy tail, slouched over, perhaps whispering to the child sitting in his lap.

The little girl had large eyes, her mouth a little ‘o’ of surprise. A boy stood next to the man, one hand on his shoulder the other pointing at the baby the woman held, a broad happy smile on his face. His hair was pulled back into a short ponytail, the back left free and hanging just below the collar of his shirt. It looked exactly the way Andy pulled his hair back some days when he wanted it out of his way.

The entire right side was taken up by another couple. There was no mistaking Carver, eyes somehow stormy with a tiny smile directed at the woman in his arms. She was in profile, head resting on Carver’s shoulder and her face obscured by a fall of hair. While Carver had his arms around her, fingers threaded together on her shoulder, her hands rested on her obviously pregnant belly.

A touch to his shoulder caused him to look around. Andy sat up straight, returning Hawke’s embarrassed smile. He couldn’t help leaning over slightly to watch him place the color he said it had needed. The first color he placed was yellow, on Andy’s hair and the boy with Andy’s hairdo. Green was next, dots of it for Merrill’s eyes, the yellow-haired boy and the surprised little girl. Then he chose a light brown for his eyes, dark brown for the baby, Bethany, Hawke and the older woman. Hawke, Bethany, Carver, Merrill, the little girl and the older man all received black hair, then a bright blue for the eyes of the older man, Carver and the man holding Bethany. His hair was colored a reddish brown as well as a few wisps of the same color on the baby.

Andy straightened, his mouth dropping open in shock as he realized just what that yellow-haired, green-eyed boy meant. Hawke picked up a red pencil as they heard the front door, ignoring the sound completely. Andy snapped his mouth shut with a click as he turned towards the arch leading to the living room.

“Hawke? Andy?” Merrill called out after the door had been shut.

“In here,” Andy called back, still sort of dazed.

Carver entered first, head down, feet shuffling, hands loosely fisted at his sides. Merrill followed him, eyes sparking angrily with her arms crossed under her breasts. She strode around the table to stand behind him and Hawke. Carver pulled out the first chair he came to and slumped into it. Andy turned as the silence stretched out and met her eyes, inclining his head slightly at Hawke. Merrill leaned a little to look over Hawke’s shoulder and her eyes widened.

Before either of them could say a word, Hawke dropped his pencil and looked over at Carver. “I’m not perfect,” he said evenly. “I can’t stand to be in a room with more than twenty people. I’m insecure about my talent. I don’t have a noble goal like my little sister. I’m not passionate about things like my little brother.”

Hawke paused as he poured a bit more whisky into the glass. He downed it like he had previously, and stared at the picture he’d just spent the last thirty minutes drawing. Carver looked up, avoiding Andy and Merrill, to frown at his brother. After a moment Hawke met his petulant gaze with a very hard one.

“I refuse to feel guilty for loving Merrill and Andy. I’m not ashamed of my life, myself or my loves. I’m sorry you hurt and I have no idea how to help you. Not that you’d accept my help. Andy isn’t going anywhere. I love you Carver…but I’m done with this shit. Get used to it or get out.”

Carver’s eyes dropped to the table, hands clenched into fists as Hawke stood. He picked up the sketchbook, kissed Merrill’s forehead before moving around her and bent to kiss the top of Andy’s head. He then walked slowly to the end of the table where his brother sat, set the sketchbook in front of him and leaned over.

“I will _never_ have everything I want,” Hawke hissed with barely controlled anger. He straightened and walked quietly out of the dining room.

Andy glanced up at Merrill and they shared a worried look. He suspected Merrill felt as guilty as he did.

“Go to bed Carver,” she said softly.

He nodded, stood slowly, touched the edge of the book then turned and left without saying a word. Merrill dropped down into the chair Hawke had vacated and let out a shuddering sigh. She leaned over, forehead resting on Andy’s shoulder. Andy held her, one hand running through her hair and his eyes glued to Hawke’s drawing, both disturbed by the end of what had been a good day.


	11. Conversations, Part III

“Come on,” Andy said after a moment. “He needs us.”

Merrill nodded silently and stood walking slowly to the end of the table. She picked up the sketchbook as Andy got to his feet and they slowly made their way upstairs. They found Hawke in their room sitting at the edge of the bed, Andy’s book in his hands. It was still closed. Hawke looked up briefly when Andy shut the door behind him but his sad gaze returned to the book.

Andy took a moment to push the loose shorts down over his hips, stepping out of them to sit next to Hawke on the bed. Merrill sat on his other side, the sketchbook she had held closely to her chest. He let the crutches fall to the floor and put his arm around Hawke’s shoulders.

“I still want to see it,” Andy said quietly.

“Yes,” Merrill said leaning against his other side. “Show us.”

Silently he opened it, turned past the first drawing and held it out. The background was an explosion of colorful flowers, drawing the eye to the pale figure in the foreground. Andy’s cast was partially obscured by the little yellow flowers all around his leg, the purple flower against his upright leg drawn in great detail. He could see individual blades of grass against his side and Andy shook his head a little.

“What were you thinking about Andy?” asked Merrill curiously. “You look so…amused.”

“This,” Andy said tapping the drawing lightly. “Isn’t something I would have ever guessed I’d do. Lying naked in a field of flowers…just to see that smile. You have nothing to worry about,” said Andy affectionately resting his head on Hawke’s shoulder for a moment. “I don’t think Justin could even find something wrong. It’s wonderful.”

“Thanks,” Hawke said gratefully. “But I don’t think I’ll ever be showing these to your brother.”

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Andy said with a little grin. “He’s good at finding things that are out of place though.”

“Sometimes I wish I could show them to Father,” said Hawke wistfully. “He would have understood…”

“This?” asked Merrill quietly. The quick drawing Hawke had just done was now on her lap. She indicated the three of them, tapping lightly with her finger.

Hawke flipped Andy’s book closed and nodded as he took the other one from Merrill. “Yes,” Hawke sighed. “He would have understood us. He’d know what to say, what to do…I just…I don’t know. Why didn’t he say anything before it got this bad?”

“Because it was all right before I got involved,” said Andy flopping back on the bed. “He could deal with it because you’re his brother. As far as he’s concerned I’m just…a toy. A stranger that gets what he’s wanted. Carver isn’t here enough he doesn’t see that it isn’t just sex anymore. I’m not helping with that when he is here either.”

“Andy, this isn’t…” Hawke started as he turned to look at him.

“Don’t say it Hawke,” Andy interrupted testily. “It _is_ my fault. I’ve blown a hole in his carefully constructed defenses and he can’t deal with the fact that Merrill loves both of us the way she doesn’t love him. I’m perfectly willing to accept the blame.”

“Oh Andy,” Merrill said sadly. “We’re just as much at fault. If we’d seen it we could have done something long before you moved in.”

“He has had girlfriends over the last two and a half years,” said Hawke.

“No one he was very serious about I’ll bet,” said Andy rising up on his elbows. “Keeping up appearances. Like I said earlier, he didn’t want you to notice.”

“I suppose it doesn’t matter,” Hawke sighed. “Let’s just…go to bed.”

Andy watched quietly as his book was tucked away with Merrill’s. Hawke set the other one on his dresser and stripped out of his clothes. Merrill undressed as well and soon enough they were all under the covers. Andy often slept between them but Hawke was in the middle this time, lying on his back. He lay on his side, head resting on Hawke’s shoulder with as much of his body pressed against Hawke as he could manage. Merrill was similarly pressed against Hawke’s other side, her hand resting on his chest close to Andy’s. Under the covers, Andy could feel an arm around him, a hand rubbing his hip. Eventually they fell asleep.

After a restless night morning found them on their sides as usual. Andy was pressed to Hawke’s back, an arm over his side resting on Merrill’s arm and the other under the pillow. He sighed and snuggled closer, wishing that they could stay in bed. Hawke was the next to wake but there was no talk or sex, just more cuddling. When Merrill woke they were still all quiet and it seemed none of them were in a hurry to start this day.

Eventually the need to use bathroom drove them out of bed. Hawke and Merrill showered together while Andy sat on the bed staring at the picture Hawke had drawn last night while they waited for Merrill to return with Carver. Children had never been mentioned that he remembered. Because Hawke always used a condom with Merrill he had assumed that it had already been agreed that they didn’t want any. Andy’s involvement turned that whole issue into a quagmire anyway.

The drawing was a bit of insight, Hawke’s hopes for the future. The blonde boy clearly represented a baby created by Andy and Merrill, the little girl’s parentage was likely Hawke and Merrill. On one hand it was flattering since the boy was obviously older. It was also very heartening. Hawke had no intentions of letting Andy go. The very idea of children sent shivers down his spine however. Andy definitely wasn’t ready for that sort of responsibility. This would likely be brought up at some point and he hoped it was still a good ways into the future. Things were complicated enough at the moment.

When it was his turn in the bathroom, Andy took his time in the bath. He washed his hair and scrubbed everything else twice. The drawing was gone as were Hawke and Merrill. They were in the kitchen attempting to make breakfast. Even though he’d spent quite a bit of time in the bath Andy dried himself thoroughly, rubbing more of the aloe on his slightly pink skin. He was stalling and he knew it. When the gel had soaked into his skin he knew he couldn’t realistically waste any more time. He pulled on a pair of jeans, randomly grabbed a shirt from the closet and finally opened the bedroom door.

“About time,” Carver muttered irritably from where he leaned on the wall across the hall. “You’re worse than a girl.”

Andy gripped the crutches tightly as he stood in the doorway, strangling a sarcastic remark before he could make things even worse. He settled for a frown and a raised eyebrow, wondering what god he’d pissed off this time that the reason he’d taken so much time had been waiting just outside the door. Without saying a word he started towards the stairs.

“Can we talk?” asked Carver staying irritatingly next to him.

“I’ve fucked your life up quite thoroughly already,” Andy said without looking at him. “I’ll just keep avoiding you and you can pretend I don’t exist.”

“That’s not going to work and you know it,” Carver scoffed. “Garrett won’t let me ignore you.”

“I’ll have a chat with him,” said Andy tersely at the top of the stairs.

Carver huffed in annoyance but he stayed at the top while Andy began making his way down slowly. A single word stopped him a third of the way down. It was gruff, barely audible, somewhat forced but sincere.

“Please.”

He stopped, balanced precariously on a single riser. Andy didn’t speak, didn’t turn but didn’t continue either. After a moment Carver continued.

“She…Merrill said that you might be able to help me,” he said evenly. His voice turned bitter and got closer after a short pause. “After she scolded me for knocking you over, and told me I’ll never be more than a brother.”

“I’m sorry Carver,” Andy said softly. “I’m not sure what she meant. I don’t know how to help myself.”

There was a heavy sigh from behind him and a thump. Andy turned slightly and saw that he’d sat on the stairs. His fingers were laced at the back of his head which hung between his knees. “I don’t want to leave,” Carver said sounding lost. “This is my home too damn it. But I don’t know how to deal with any of this.”

“At least you can see her,” said Andy thinking of Karl. “You know where she is…that she’s okay…that she’s happy…even though you’re not the one making her happy.”

Carver snorted noncommittally and Andy resumed his careful trek down the stairs. “Hawke thinks you hate him,” Andy said evenly finally turning to face him at the bottom of the stairs. The look he received was full of incredulous disbelief. “You should talk with him. Set him straight. Hate me if you want. I can handle it. But he shouldn’t have to choose between someone he wants to be with and family he’s known and cared for all his life.”

Another sigh, a small nod and Andy left him on the stairs, studying the carpet between his feet.


	12. Another Surprising Complication

So far breakfast had been extremely quiet. Hawke and Merrill had already been seated in the dining room with plates set out for all four of them. Andy took his place and dug in, noticing Merrill’s worried look and the way Hawke was focused on his plate. The silence continued even after Carver joined them. Weekend breakfast’s had never really been chatty but this was quieter than normal.

Merrill was obviously troubled, Carver lost deep in thought while he completely ignored the three of them and Hawke kept glancing at his little brother. Andy decided right then as he shoveled the scrambled eggs into his mouth that he was going to remove himself and Merrill from the house for as long as he could. Carver just might open up a little without the problem people present and the brothers desperately needed a heart to heart. He would just have to hope they wouldn’t come to blows.

Andy finished his breakfast quickly and pushed the plate away a little. “Are you ready to hit the sales Merrill?” he asked cheerfully.

She looked from Hawke to him, still anxious. After a brief glance at Carver she nodded silently and leaned over to whisper in Hawke’s ear. He nodded and she stood pausing to frown sadly at Carver for a moment before leaving the dining room. Andy got to his feet and stopped behind Hawke’s chair. He put a hand on his shoulder and Hawke turned and looked up at him. The very corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile before he took Andy’s hand and kissed the back of it. Andy returned his smile, brushing the man’s cheek with the back of his fingers before hurrying after Merrill. He didn’t spare Carver a glance.

He found Merrill by the front door, car keys in one hand and a sketchbook clutched to her chest. “Do you think you could take us somewhere quiet?” she asked softly. “I’m not sure I should be driving…”

“Are you all right?” Andy asked in concern as he took her keys.

“Mostly,” Merrill said with a small smile and a shrug. “I’m just…really distracted right now.”

“Luckily your car is an automatic so I should be fine,” he said resting all of his weight on the crutches. He ran his fingers through her hair and smiled. “I know just the place where we can go.”

Her smile widened a bit and she gripped the book a little tighter. She rose up slightly and gave him a quick kiss before turning to hold the door for him. Andy checked his pockets, making sure he had his phone and his wallet then followed her out the door. Merrill followed him around to the driver’s side and put his crutches in the back while he adjusted the seat and mirrors, glad that his left leg was broken and not his right.

He checked his mirrors and backed out of the driveway. Andy was a little surprised to find that he wasn’t nervous at all about driving. This was the first time he’d driven since the accident and while the cast made things a little strange it didn’t interfere. Merrill had the sketch book on her lap and had leaned back in her seat, watching the city flow by her window. The short trip was silent and she seemed a little surprised when he pulled into a small parking lot.

The park he’d taken them to hadn’t really changed much in the years since he’d been there. Trees were scattered throughout the grass with flower beds interspersed along the concrete path winding through the park. Merrill gave him another small smile as she unbuckled her seatbelt. Andy stuffed her keys into his pocket and undid his. She hurried around the front of the car while Andy hauled himself up and out, supporting himself with a hand on the roof and one on the door until he had his crutches.

They were silent as Andy led them down the path. He wasn’t sure why she’d brought the sketch book. It was closed and still held close to her chest. There were other couples in the park, walking hand in hand or sitting on the benches along the path. Andy picked one that was unoccupied and a good distance away from the last pair they’d passed. He sat and propped his crutches next to him and she sat on his other side with a little sigh. Their hips and legs were touching and she leaned against him as he put his arm around her shoulders.

“This is very nice,” she said quietly after a while. “It’s very pretty.”

“Karl used to bring me here,” Andy said smiling. “Usually when he was having a hard time keeping his promise to Justin. We’d walk the path or sit on one of the benches, always in view of someone. I guess it was easier for him to resist me with others watching.”

“That would never have worked with Hawke,” Merrill said sounding amused.

“No,” Andy chuckled. “He’d have his hands stuck in my back pockets and his tongue in my mouth.”

“Rubbing himself on you until you’d both made a mess in your jeans,” she said grinning as she looked up at him. They shared a brief laugh and then she sighed heavily, leaning on him once more. “I feel really bad for Carver.”

“So do I,” Andy said softly. “I feel worse about Hawke.”

“He’s put Hawke in a terrible position,” Merrill said almost angrily.

“Yes,” he replied. “Hawke made it pretty clear last night that he’s not giving either of us up. I…sort of expected to be thrown out. Part of me still does.”

“Oh Andy no!” exclaimed Merrill in quiet horrified shock. “We would never…”

“I’m positive Karl felt that same way,” he interrupted. “But he…” Andy stopped when his voice began shaking. He closed his eyes and banished Karl’s final words to him. Her hand rubbed his thigh in the stillness that followed. “My doubts aren’t very important right now. We should be…”

“They are important Andy,” she interrupted gently. “Carver’s timing is terrible. The nightmare, the accident and now this…in the kitchen this morning…he’s worried that you’re going to run away from us.”

“There’s a side of me that’s urged that for quite a while now,” said Andy seriously. “I’ve ignored it so far and I’m going to continue to ignore it. This…the three of us…I want it to work.”

“How do you feel about this?” Merrill asked somewhat cautiously as she opened the sketch book.

She flipped it open and he saw the quick drawing Hawke had done the previous night. He wondered at her caution as he gazed at it. “It’s flattering, comforting and terrifying,” he said. Andy tapped the little boy as he continued. “Flattering because he’s older, Hawke’s willing to let me father the first child. Comforting because it shows that, Hawke at least, is thinking of us in terms of years instead of weeks. Terrifying because that’s a lot of responsibility.”

“You’re not opposed to a family though?” she said nervously scooting away from him a little and looking up at him with a hopeful expression.

“No, I’m just not ready for that responsibility,” said Andy feeling puzzled. “I’m barely able to take care of myself and can only just admit my feelings about both of you to myself.”

“I’m sorry Andy,” Merrill said in a shaky whisper as she buried her face in his chest. “Hawke needs to focus on Carver and I have to talk to someone. I realized something this morning…while Hawke and I were in the shower. I’m almost two weeks late.”

“Oh dear god,” Andy said in a shocked breathy whisper.

“Everything’s been so crazy lately!” she exclaimed worriedly. “I should have started my period a couple of days after your wreck but I never thought of it until this morning. I was thinking about this.” Merrill held up the sketch book for a few seconds and let it drop back onto his lap. “And how we hadn’t discussed it with you and now we have to discuss it and how you might be afraid…”

“Merrill,” he said gently wrapping both of his arms around her. Her worried tirade ended with a little shuddering breath. “I know condoms aren’t a hundred percent guaranteed to prevent conception. It’s why I’ve always been a little obsessive about testing myself for diseases. It’s honestly a miracle there isn’t already a little Andy out there.”

“It’s all Hawke and I have used,” said Merrill miserably. “I don’t take any sort of chemical birth control because I’ve heard it can make having a baby difficult even after you stop using it. We both wanted a family but agreed to wait and now…I just…”

“Shh,” Andy said resting his cheek on top of her head. “The first thing we’re going to do is calm down. Then we’re going to the store to get a home pregnancy test. No matter the results you’re going to make an appointment tomorrow morning. Being pregnant isn’t the only thing that can make you late.”

“All right,” she said after a moment. She pulled away and sat up, took a deep breath and nodded.

“Do you still want me to drive?” he asked seriously.

Merrill nodded with a sheepish little smile. She stood and flipped the book closed, once more holding it closely to her chest as she waited for him. Andy tried to keep his mind blank as they hurried back to the car. He pulled into the first drugstore he saw and felt a bit detached as he paid for the test. Now waiting outside of the ladies restroom, his doubts and fears about being left alone were the furthest thing from his thoughts.

The door in front of him opened and Merrill stepped out, arms crossed over her stomach. Her facial expression was a mix of hope and worry with a good deal of fright thrown in over the other two. Andy leaned back against the wall behind him at her nod.

“Andy?” she said hesitantly taking a small step towards him.

“I’m not sure if I want to laugh or cry,” he said with a weak smile. “Life sure likes to throw everything at you all at once doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” said Merrill after a nervous giggle. “We picked a horrible time to get a bad batch. What are we going to do?”

“Find someplace private to get the tears and wailing over with,” Andy said light heartedly. “Then we’re going home with smiles plastered to our faces to make Hawke a very happy man.”

“Are you…all right?” she asked taking another hesitant step forward.

“I will be,” Andy said putting a hand on her shoulder. “I haven’t sabotaged myself and Carver hasn’t managed to drive a wedge between us. I’m not going to let this frighten me off either. Despite my fears…I’m happy with you and Hawke and it’s been…wonderful.”

Relief flooded her features and she closed the distance between them. Her arms went around his middle and Andy put his arm around her shoulders. He sighed and closed his eyes, hoping there wouldn’t by anymore issues heaped on his already overloaded mind.


	13. An Important Step Forward

Andy dug his phone out of his pocket and saw that it was after twelve. Since they had had a late breakfast he wasn’t that hungry. He didn’t think Merrill would be either but he also had no wish to go home at the moment. In order to waste a little time he drove them to an ice cream shop where they now sat sharing a banana split. Merrill had calmed considerably but now he felt a bit like panicking.

There was no doubt that Hawke would be ecstatic about this bit of news after the initial shock. He was also absolutely positive that Hawke wouldn’t care one bit which of them had actually fathered the child. Andy was also fairly sure that Merrill didn’t care and the more he thought of it he realized that he didn’t care much either. There was a person who would care a lot however. Carver would probably accept the child no matter which of them had fathered it but it might increase the existing resentment he felt for Andy.

Realistically there was no way to hide a pregnancy so not telling Carver that he was soon going to be an uncle wasn’t an option. A demand from Carver to know who the father was wouldn’t go over well with Hawke and there was simply no way to know for certain who had provided the other half of the baby’s genes until it was born. Pinpointing a date of conception was mostly guesswork and that wouldn’t likely work anyway. There were plenty of days that both he and Hawke had had sex with her at different times during that day.

He sighed heavily as he set his spoon down in the bowl. “Carver’s not going to take this well,” he said scrubbing his face.

“No,” she said softly leaning on him. “It might add to his frustrations. I don’t know what to do for him anyway.”

“I don’t know that there’s anything we can do to help him,” said Andy. “By the way, how did you figure I could help?”

“I realize it’s not quite the same but…you’ve spent years pining for someone who was unattainable,” Merrill said with a little shrug. “I just thought you may have some insight that could help.”

Andy chuckled as he leaned back in the booth. He gave her a brief one armed hug and said, “All things considered I might not have the best advice on that subject. I could certainly tell him what not to do.”

“It’s a start,” said Merrill with a small smile. “We could just…not tell him right away.”

“I don’t know,” Andy said skeptically. “It’s his own fault but he’s had enough nasty surprises lately.”

“He’s already overwhelmed though,” Merrill said sitting up straight and folding her hands in her lap. “I’m still a little overwhelmed.”

“That makes three of us then,” Andy sighed leaning forward again. He picked up his phone to check the time again and turned to Merrill. “Do you mind if we talk to Justin?”

“About Carver or…the baby?” she said a little nervously.

“Both actually,” said Andy. He smiled reassuringly at her slightly panicked look. “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. I might get a lecture though. He might be able to give us some advice. It was good advice last night just…a little too late.”

“He’s not going to insist on things is he?” Merrill said anxiously. “Like marriage or that we find out who fathered it?”

“I’m more likely to insist on a blood test,” he said calmly. “We’ll discuss that later with Hawke though. Justin is very old-fashioned but he’s also…tolerant. You remember the dinner?” She nodded and he went on. “I’ve gotten all sorts of grief from people because I like both sexes. Justin has never given me any shit over it. When I brought Karl home I got a funny look but after that he was at the library, looking up things online, in books and magazines. I can guarantee you he’s done the same thing about figuring out the three of us.”

Merrill nodded slowly and said, “I guess it’s all right then but…why would you insist on a blood test?”

“I don’t want yours to be the only name on the birth certificate,” said Andy gently. “I really don’t care which of us fathered it but, god forbid, if something should happen to you we might have trouble getting custody. It will also be good to know for diseases that run in families.”

“That makes sense,” she said with a relieved smile. “I forget sometimes that you’ve been in foster care.”

“It wasn’t the most pleasant time in my life and I don’t really like to talk about it,” Andy said seriously. “You let Hawke know where we’re going but don’t mention that…you’re pregnant. I’ll find out if Justin’s home yet.”

Merrill nodded and dug her phone out of her pocket. Andy sent Justin a short message and received a reply quickly. His brother would be home within a half an hour with Aura and expressed curiosity about Carver. He sent another telling Justin that he and Merrill would be waiting for them. The drive was short and the waiting almost excruciating. Andy was positive he’d get a lecture of some sort and was more than a little nervous about how Justin would react.

When Justin arrived home they settled around the kitchen table with iced tea. Merrill was mostly quiet while Andy relayed everything that had happened with Carver last night, their fingers laced together on the tabletop. Justin listened intently, asking a question occasionally, arms crossed over his chest. Aura was as quiet as Merrill but she listened carefully as well.

Andy took a deep breath after he’d finished with this morning’s silent breakfast. “Merrill and I left. I was hoping Carver would talk with Hawke. We’ve discovered something though. Hawke is going to be ecstatic but I don’t think Carver will take it very well. Merrill’s pregnant.”

One eyebrow shot to his hairline and Justin glanced at her before focusing his intense gaze on Andy. “How sure are you?”

“In the park she told me that she’s almost two weeks late,” Andy said unable to keep his nerves from showing. “We went to a drugstore…bought a test and…it was positive.”

Justin nodded slowly and stood. “A word in private please,” he said calmly as he left the room.

He stood and followed Justin into his living room. His brother was standing on the far side of the room and Andy spoke quietly before he could say anything. “Yes we were using protection and no I have no idea whether it was Hawke or me that fathered it.”

“Please don’t be angry with me,” Justin said quietly but seriously after a moment of thought. “How positive are you that it was one of you?”

“Very,” Andy growled griping his crutches tightly. “Between the two of us Merrill can get her jollies pretty much whenever she wants. The condom was probably torn or something.”

Justin held up his hands and said, “If you are positive then I am satisfied as well. If the child is yours will you take responsibility?”

Andy took a deep breath and tried not to be offended. It was a logical question but he knew that Merrill wouldn’t break their trust like that. He looked at his feet for a moment then back up at Justin. “Even if the child is Hawke’s I’ll take responsibility.”

“You care that much about them?” he asked solemnly. “You would claim a child that you did not sire as your own?”

“I…I…yes,” Andy said fearfully. “I’m still terrified of being left but…yes. I care about both of them a great deal.”

His brother smiled warmly and gripped his shoulder. “These two have been good for you. Let us return to the kitchen and speak about how Carver may be helped.”

Justin moved around him and Andy stood there feeling flabbergasted. After so much time and so many people to have his brother’s approval meant quite a bit to him. It was especially satisfying after Justin’s reluctance about the whole situation. This was also the closest Andy had come to admitting his feelings to anyone. Hoping it would get a little easier, he took a moment to gather himself. Slowly he followed Justin back to the kitchen. Merrill laced their fingers together immediately after he’d gotten the crutches propped on the table.

They spent most of the afternoon with Justin and Aura, discussing Carver. Justin recommended waiting a bit to tell him that Merrill was pregnant. He shouldn’t be left to figure it out on his own, that would simply create more resentment. In the meantime Justin said that he should be shown the things he missed during the week. Let him see the affection they shared while keeping bedroom activities confined to the bedroom, making sure to close the door.

Ultimately only Carver could decide to move on. Andy thought that perhaps finding him a girlfriend would help. He knew several women and a few men who would be absolutely head over heels for him. Carver would definitely not appreciate being set up on a blind date with a man. Andy wasn’t sure he’d appreciate it with a woman either. He’d ask Hawke before doing anything of course.

Despite the turmoil of last night and discovering that Merrill was pregnant this morning Andy felt pretty good. All of his worries were still there but he was hopeful that everything would work out eventually. Even if finding out what had happened to Karl was put on hold for a while he was positive that Hawke wouldn’t forget it completely.

Merrill’s nervousness from this morning was nowhere to be found when they arrived home. It seemed that Andy’s acceptance of the situation had put her at ease. She was grinning happily as she led a puzzled Hawke into the back yard. Carver was down in the rec room but neither of them wanted to risk him overhearing before they were actually ready to tell him. Andy followed them slowly almost all the way to the back fence.

“So what’s the secret?” Hawke asked folding his arms across his bare chest.

He only looked curious and Merrill took a step forward. “Hawke, I realized this morning that I’m almost two weeks late.” His eyes widened but he remained quiet as she went on. “You needed some time with Carver and I told Andy this morning. We bought a test and…it was positive. I’m pregnant.”

Hawke’s mouth dropped open in shock for a moment and his gaze snapped to Andy. “You’re still here. This wasn’t supposed to happen. We haven’t talked about it.” He turned back to Merrill and asked in a small voice, “Truly?”

“I’ll make an appointment tomorrow morning so a doctor can confirm it,” she said nodding.

His face lit up and he whooped in excitement. Andy laughed as Merrill was scooped up, making a surprised squeak, and spun around. Her legs were locked around Hawke’s waist and he easily held onto her as Andy was surprised with a passionate kiss. He relaxed into it after only a moment and smiled when Hawke ended it, pressing their foreheads together.

“We’re going to be parents!” Hawke said his voice full of emotion. “And you’re still here. Thank God you’re still here.”

“I’ll admit,” Andy said quietly as he felt an arm sliding around his back. “I’m pretty scared…but I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“It is a little scary isn’t it,” Hawke said.

“We’ll be all right,” Merrill said confidently as she put an arm around Andy’s neck.

Andy wished he could return their embrace but didn’t think Hawke could support them both. He was content however with their heads pressed together. There would be many things to do in the coming months and more serious discussions to be had but at the moment there was only the warmth of their love and the hope that he would eventually be unafraid to return it.


	14. A Needed Distraction

“We should celebrate,” Hawke said after a moment. He gave each of them a kiss and lowered Merrill to the ground. “Have dinner and then maybe go to the theater.”

“That sounds nice but I’m still a bit tender,” Andy said a little ruefully. “It’s taken all day but my jeans are finally driving me crazy.”

“I can work with that,” Hawke purred. “We’ll have something delivered and spend the night in our room.”

“Anything but pizza,” Andy said with a little shudder.

“Chinese sounds nice,” Merrill suggested.

“Chinese it is,” said Hawke grinning. “You two go upstairs and I’ll join you in a moment.”

He kissed both of them again and hurried off towards the house. Merrill kept pace with him as Andy made his way back. They didn’t see Hawke on the way up the stairs. Andy turned and sat at the edge of the bed and set his crutches on the floor. He flopped back as Merrill shut the door behind her and quickly unbuttoned his jeans. The zipper followed closely behind and he pushed the fabric away from his skin with a small sigh of relief.

“And I thought sunburned legs were annoying,” Andy said as he pushed his pants down over his hips.

“We could have come home earlier,” said Merrill disapprovingly. She lifted his left leg slightly and carefully worked the fabric off over his cast. “If you were hurting you should have said something.”

“I didn’t really want to explain to my brother how I got sunburned on my abdomen,” he said rising up on his elbows to see her. “Besides, it doesn’t hurt that bad. It’s just really irritating.”

“Take your shit off,” she commanded. “Let me see.”

Andy sat and pulled his shirt off, leaning back on his elbows as she looked him over critically. “Let me see your arms,” she said. He smiled and flopped back down, holding his arms up and turning them slowly so she could get a good look. “Scoot back onto the bed. Your arms and face don’t look bad at all but the rest…I’ll be right back.”

She was gone for moments and came back with the bottle of aloe. Andy let her fuss, wondering if she’d let him and Hawke fuss in seven or eight months. More of the clear gel was rubbed onto his chest and stomach. She was working it onto his balls with clinical efficiency when Hawke entered. The door was shut immediately behind him this time.

“We’ll have dinner within the hour,” he said leaning back against the door. “What shall we do in the mean time?”

“Did you and Carver talk?” Merrill asked quietly as she moved on to his legs.

“We did,” Hawke said with a small sigh as he pushed off of the door. He walked slowly around the bed and sat on his other side. “He actually apologized. Sounded sort of like I tortured it out of him but…I guess it’s the thought.”

“Did he say anything else?” Andy asked looking up at him.

“That he didn’t hate me,” Hawke said smirking. “The way he said it pissed me off but…that’s nothing new.” Hawke took Andy’s hand and kissed the back of his fingers. “It’s nice to know though. I have you to thank for that?”

“Yes,” said Andy lacing their fingers together. “As much as we fought, no matter how badly he made me mad, I never hated Justin. There were times when I didn’t like him very much…but never hate.”

“What did your brother have to say?” Hawke asked curiously.

Andy sat up as Merrill finished. He told Hawke of their conversation with Justin while Merrill washed her hands. She rejoined them on the bed and added her thoughts about what they should do, if anything, to help Carver. Hawke agreed that waiting a couple of weeks to tell him about the baby was a good idea. It would give him a chance to calm down and attempt to start sorting things out. He also agreed that showing him there was more going on between all three of them than just sex might help as well.

He also brought up his idea of a blind date for Carver. Andy was aware that this idea was skirting dangerously close to the path he’d taken after Karl had left. What he hoped was to show Carver that Merrill wasn’t the only fish in the sea. There were plenty of other women who would gladly strike up a conversation with the hopes of more. Not necessarily just for sex but a relationship. Andy knew without a doubt that if the man hadn’t seemed to have taken vows of celibacy, those chiseled muscles and his gorgeous eyes should have had people tripping over themselves to get in his pants.

By this time in their conversation Andy had scooted back to lean on the headboard. Merrill sat on his right, leaning against him slightly idly playing with his nipples. Hawke lay on his side to his left. With one hand propping up his head, his legs crossed at the ankle, he’d spent the whole explanation with his other hand drifting up and down Andy’s inner thigh. It was becoming slightly distracting.

“Let’s wait,” said Hawke after a long pause. His hand drifted a little further up, brushing against Andy’s balls before sliding back down almost to his knee. “Carver will balk at the suggestion no matter when we make it but he’ll definitely shoot it down now. If he doesn’t bring someone home in a few months we can ask at least.”

“Are you two trying to turn me on?” Andy asked curiously.

“Yes,” Hawke said shamelessly with a wide smirk. “Is it working?”

“It is,” said Andy. “I didn’t expect to be the center of attention though.”

“This weekend has been…a little rough,” Merrill said rubbing his right nipple.

“I think we could all use a little fun,” Hawke said leaning over slightly to kiss his side. “You’re the one sitting there looking delicious though.”

“Even with slightly pink skin?” Andy asked in amusement running his hand over Hawke’s back.

“We’ll just have to be gentle,” said Hawke brushing against his balls lightly again.

“Sounds like that could take a while,” Andy said enjoying the idea.

“It’ll be fun! We’ll eat first though…right?” Merrill said starting off excited but ending slightly worried. “At least I know why I’ve been so hungry lately.”

“Of course we will. If it ever gets here,” Hawke said with a smile. The doorbell rang seconds later and he rolled off of the bed. “And there it is. I’ll be right back.”

Hawke was back within fifteen minutes. Carver, who was still in the rec room, had been delivered his supper and they ate theirs straight from the cartons. There was little talk as they ate. Merrill took the remainder downstairs to the refrigerator and Andy stretched out lazily while Hawke removed his shorts and underwear. They were lying on their sides, facing each other and exchanging a slow kiss when Merrill got back a short time later.

With the door shut firmly behind her she shed her clothes quickly and settled behind him. Andy felt her fingers going through his hair and then her lips on his neck. Hawke pulled his right leg forward, rubbing the back of his knee briefly. He moaned softly when, almost as if they had planned it, he felt her slick fingers at his entrance. Merrill worked him open, her lips and tongue busy leaving marks on his neck. Hawke kissed him between soft words, spoken in that purr that always went straight to his cock.

Andy was only vaguely aware of what Hawke was saying, listening more to the sexy rumble of his voice and also loving what Merrill was doing. He could have happily stayed like this all night. All at once they were both gone and he was rolled carefully onto his back. His dick was hard and lying against his stomach but neither of them touched it. Andy watched them with growing anticipation as they spread his legs.

His left leg was carefully positioned over Hawkes thigh, held in place with one of his hands while he carefully inched his way forward. Merrill held his other leg up and out of the way. Andy closed his eyes and groaned when he felt the head of Hawke’s thick cock pushing slowly into him. He gripped the sheets as Hawke gradually seated himself, panting slightly. Opening his eyes again as Merrill draped his other leg over Hawke’s thigh his hips were lifted enough for her to slip a pillow underneath him.

Merrill settled to his right, Hawke frustratingly still, and she leaned across him. Andy turned his head and stretched his neck, baring the unmarked side for her. When her lips touched him Hawke finally began moving. His pace was unhurried, one hand holding his left leg still. Andy brought his hands up, each one finding a breast to fondle.

Slowly the pleasure built until Andy could do little more than cling to Merrill, panting heavily into her hair as she rested her head on his chest. She was making pleased noises and panting as well. Andy guessed Hawke’s other hand was busy between her legs. He wanted to plant his heels into the mattress and meet every thrust. He wanted to roll over, his face planted into his pillow to muffle his screams and let Hawke pound into him. This slow pace was torture but he also wanted it to last forever.

Merrill roused, moving enough to engulf his nipple. Her tongue flicked as she sucked, sending more pleasure rippling through him. Unable to resist any longer Andy fisted his own neglected member and he cried out loudly after only a few strokes. For a few long moments he was aware of nothing but sweet release as Hawke slowed further before stopping entirely. Merrill cried out seconds later and she flopped to the side still panting. Both Andy and Merrill watched as Hawke pulled out, tugging himself to completion.

Andy was cleaned up and they spent a few minutes sorting themselves out. Merrill ended up in the middle tonight, on her back with her men pressed close. Their hands were laced together over her belly, all of them sleepy and sated, troubles momentarily forgotten.


	15. Small Doubts

The next week started much like any other. Merrill’s appointment was scheduled for late Thursday afternoon. Nate was filled in on all of the weekend’s events Monday during lunch. There was sympathy for Carver’s problem and congratulations for the coming baby followed by a discussion on its paternity. Andy discovered that he was correct and Hawke didn’t care a bit about who had actually fathered the baby.

Monday night began with a serious discussion of why Andy wanted to know which of them had fathered the child. They both knew of his past and Andy didn’t have to try very hard to convince them of the necessity. Both Hawke and Merrill were agreeable to have the test done. The three of them also decided that whoever’s name didn’t end up on the birth certificate was to be named Godfather. The rest of the night was spent in the living room, slowly shedding clothes as Hawke and Andy drove Merrill wild between them.

Tuesday afternoon Hawke took Andy to his doctor’s appointment. After an x-ray they were informed that his leg was healing nicely. If it looked just as good next week Andy would be fitted with a walking cast. He hoped his leg continued healing well because he honestly couldn’t wait to be rid of the crutches.

On Wednesday Andy finally received a letter from the insurance company. The money would be enough to pay off the wrecked car and he was very relieved about that at least. It still left him without a vehicle however. Both Hawke and Merrill were willing to keep hauling him around but it would get complicated after he was allowed to go back to work. Andy wasn’t entirely sure if he would be able to afford a car payment in addition to all the medical bills that were starting to filter in. It was still unclear whether or not Workman’s Compensation would be taking care of them.

Hawke was surprisingly quiet on the whole matter after they managed to get him to talk about why he was so stressed all of a sudden. Andy knew his financial trouble would be brought up again at some point even before the very effective distraction of Merrill between his knees and Hawke adding to the almost faded bruises on his neck. He sort of expected Hawke to approach him at some point and offer him help, especially after his previous offer. Andy let the subject go however. It was difficult to think straight with Merrill’s lips around his cock and Hawke’s lips on his neck.

Thursday morning crept by with agonizing slowness. Andy had trouble concentrating on his classes and was a little relieved to find Hawke had had the same problem. The afternoon was spent attempting to entertain themselves until it was time to meet Merrill. The few hours seemed to pass slower than the morning had. Now that they were actually in the waiting room of the doctor’s office, not only was time still crawling but he was a little uncomfortable as well. He and Hawke were two of only three males in the large waiting area full of women. They sat to either side of Merrill and she held one of their hands in each of hers. Andy’s leg drew a few stares from the others in the waiting room but more people stared because this one woman had two men with her.

Andy endured their looks with a smirk. He didn’t particularly care what they thought but he wasn’t used to being one of a few guys in a room full of girls. Given how many people were in the waiting room he figured he’d better get used to it. He’d be the one coming with Merrill to the rest of her appointments. The restaurants they went to were never this crowded. Hawke had a death grip on Merrill’s hand and studiously stared at his lap to avoid seeing the sheer amount of people coming and going in the busy waiting room. That Hawke hadn’t ran back to his truck upon entering proved once again how much this baby meant to him.

This facility housed five different OB/GYN specialists and it didn’t surprise him how many people were here. He had thought there would be a few more expectant fathers among them however. There would probably be less gawking during later visits with only him accompanying Merrill. For now he was becoming very irritated with a few of the more judgmental looks.

When Merrill was finally called to the back Andy stayed in the waiting room. He was almost positive that both he and Hawke wouldn’t be allowed in the room with her. Hawke would be much calmer without all the people in the waiting room and he would get to go back with Merrill on every other visit. The boring waiting continued.

He was nearly asleep when Elissa Cousland flopped into the chair next to him. “Hey there daddy Andy,” she said brightly nudging his shoulder with hers. “Has it been confirmed yet?”

“Hello Elissa,” Andy said after a jaw cracking yawn. “She’s back there now.”

She pushed a lock of blonde hair behind her ear and her long ponytail swung gently as she shook her head. “Then what are you doing out here? Or is the other guy back there?”

“Hawke’s with her,” said Andy as he sat up a little straighter. “So, are you here for a check-up or is it going to be daddy Nate and mommy Elissa soon?”

“Just a check-up,” said Elissa. “We’re going to wait until after the wedding at least. I wouldn’t mind trying for a kid right away but Nate wants a decent job first.”

“Wise man Nathaniel Howe,” Andy said ruefully. “You never know what might happen though.”

“I take it this wasn’t planned?” she asked, her deep brown eyes full of sympathy.

“No more than this was,” said Andy gesturing at his leg and shaking his head. “I’ve always been prepared for an unexpected kid but with everything else that’s going on…I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.”

Elissa put an arm around his shoulder and gave him a brief hug. “You’ll make it Andy. You’re a survivor. I think you’re going to make a great dad too.”

Andy snorted in disbelief. “I think I need to grow up a bit more first.”

“Bah,” she said as she punched his shoulder in irritation. “Have a little faith in yourself Andy. You’ve settled down, you have a good career in mind that you’re still working for, you keep your bills paid and you’re here even though the kid might not be yours. That seems plenty grown up to me.”

“Ouch,” he said rubbing his shoulder. “You shouldn’t abuse me when I can’t run away from you. Do you abuse Nate like this?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Elissa ordered sternly.

“You’re as annoying as Nate sometimes,” Andy said with a sigh. “A child comes with a lot of responsibility. I’m not worried about material things, diapers and clothing that sort of thing. Hawke can provide that stuff and he’s already told me not to worry about it a couple of times. It’s everything else.”

“Andy,” she said seriously. “In a way that kid is going to be the luckiest one around. If your pair weren’t good people you wouldn’t have made it this far with them. Some children are fortunate to have one parent but it’s going to have three. Might be a little weird at first but I know you can make it work.”

“How does Nate deal with your eternal optimism?” said Andy with a smile and a shake of his head.

“Just like that,” Elissa said grinning. “Only add in an eye roll.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said earnestly after they shared a quiet laugh. “Though I could have done without the bruise.”

“I’ll give you a matching set if I hear any more of that hogwash,” she said with a smirk.

“Yes ma’am,” said Andy giving her an awkward bow from his seat which earned him an eye roll.

They shared another quiet giggle as Merrill and Hawke finally emerged. They were both smiling as they approached though Hawke looked pretty nervous. “Hello Elissa,” Merrill said cheerfully. “Five or six weeks.”

“Congratulations,” Elissa said warmly as Andy stood. “If you ever need a sitter give Auntie Lis a call.”

“Hoping to convince Uncle Nate that he wants one?” Andy said with a smirk.

“You betcha,” she replied with a wide grin. “Don’t forget I’ve watched my nephew since he was a baby too. Now you better get him outta here.” Elissa gestured at Hawke who was shifting nervously from foot to foot. “I’ll buzz you later. We’ll get dinner or something.”

“Thanks Elissa,” said Andy. “See you later.”

Hawke smiled gratefully and nodded before he turned and headed quickly for the door. Andy followed him a little more slowly while Merrill lingered for a moment with Elissa. He found Hawke at the very edge of the sidewalk looking out over the parking lot.

“Is everything all right?” Andy asked stopping next to him.

“Merrill’s fine,” Hawke said softly. He looked at his feet for a moment then back up looking very embarrassed. “Would you go to the rest of the appointments? I’m not sure I can handle too much of that.”

“You don’t need to ask,” said Andy smiling as Merrill joined them. “You’ve both been so patient with me. Going to a few appointments is no trouble at all.”

“Let’s go home,” Merrill said happily.


	16. Revelations

Dinner with Nate and Elissa had proven a nice change of pace and the three of them had enjoyed it immensely. After they had gotten home a bit of schoolwork had been done before they had shed clothing and retired to the backyard. None of them had anything in particular in mind other than giving Hawke’s voyeuristic neighbor something to watch before Carver came home the next evening.

The spring air was a little cool but Andy hardly felt it. They lay in the grass beyond the pool, Hawke on his back between them. Andy lay on his left side, propped up on one elbow with his lips wrapped around Hawke’s nipple and his other hand toying with the other one. His hips were flush against the man beside him, his member lying stiffly across his thigh.

Merrill had usurped his mouth. Andy listened to their soft noises, watching Hawke play with her breasts. Eventually she straddled him, sinking slowly onto his member while Andy held it for her. He then sat up and lavished attention on her breasts while Hawke stroked him slowly. She rode him until they had both reached orgasm.

They paused for a moment, catching their breath, but Hawke still had a firm grip on his cock. Andy was a little surprised when Merrill nimbly switched laps. His cock was soon buried in her core and she bounced enthusiastically while Hawke purred in his ear. She was slick and tight. Knowing that some of the slick was probably Hawke’s semen only turned him on further. Soon enough he added to what was already there and they collapsed into a comfortable pile of entwined limbs.

Someone was running fingers through his hair, another hand rubbing his ass pleasantly. His hands were also busy; one running circles around Merrill’s nipple and the other stroking Hawke’s balls. None of them spoke for quite some time. The sun had already set and stars could be seen over head if any of them had cared to look.

“This is nice,” Hawke murmured contentedly.

“We should probably go inside,” Andy said slowly making no effort to move.

“It is getting a little cold,” Merrill observed also making no effort to move.

“I’m not cold,” said Hawke smugly.

“That’s because you’re in the middle,” said Andy snuggling closer and giving his sack a gentle squeeze. The hand at his ass paused for a second before his cheek was gripped tightly in retaliation. Andy hummed in contented pleasure.

“We could sleep out here if we had a blanket,” Merrill said earnestly after a moment.

“We all have to get up in the morning,” Hawke sighed. “That does sound nice though.”

“We haven’t been camping in ages,” said Merrill sitting up suddenly.

“I’ve never been camping,” Andy said reluctantly sitting up.

Hawke sighed and sat up as well. “We should fix that. Spring break maybe?”

“What would we do?” asked Andy curiously as he struggled to his feet.

“We’ll have plenty to do,” Hawke said suggestively as he stood as well.

“I enjoyed our day trip,” he said thoughtfully. “As long as I’m rid of these bothersome things I think it might be a good experience.” Andy stooped carefully to pick up his crutches.

“When is spring break?” Merrill asked curiously as they started off towards the house.

“Couple of weeks,” Hawke replied. “Plenty of time to plan. I’ll bring both of your sketchbooks.” His grin widened and his eyes sparkled as he continued. “I can’t wait until you start showing! I definitely want a few poses.”

Merrill grinned and pressed a hand to her stomach as she nodded. Andy tried to imagine what she’d look like in eight months and wondered again if she’d let him and Hawke fuss over her. He shook his head, thinking the answer was probably not or at least not much, as he followed them into the house. A companionable silence had fallen when the patio door was locked behind them. Hawke made sure the front door was also locked and they made their way upstairs.

The quiet continued as they settled on the bed under the covers. The alarm was set, the light turned off, Hawke pressed to his back and Merrill snuggled up to his chest. It was peaceful and quiet, Hawke’s arm draped over both of them. Andy’s thoughts turned to Carver. The baby had been mentioned in casual conversation several times over the last week. Several of their friends also knew.

“I think you should tell Carver tomorrow,” he said softly. “Hearing it from someone else wouldn’t be good. Overhearing us talking about the baby could be just as bad too.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Hawke said seriously. “We’ll all tell him tomorrow.”

“My presence might not be a good thing,” Andy said hesitantly.

“You need to be with us,” Hawke said firmly. “He needs to understand that I was utterly serious. I don’t really want him to leave but I’m not going to give you up because he doesn’t like my choices.”

“That’s…” Andy began. He was suddenly choked with emotion and paused for a moment. “Thank you Hawke.”

“I love you Andy,” said Hawke softly. “I love you just as much as I do Merrill.”

There was a soft kiss on the back of his head and Andy struggled to speak for a moment. There were soft strokes along his arm and Merrill said gently, “Shh, dear one, when you’re ready.”

Andy squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on the top of Merrill’s head. His hand found Hawke’s and he laced their fingers together. He had known but hearing it made him want to return the words. It was still frightening just how much Andy cared about both of them but he was determined to stay put. He sincerely hoped that Carver would be reasonable tomorrow.

The room fell silent but Hawke roused them once more after a while. “I spoke with Varric today about finding Karl. He wants to meet with you sometime this weekend.”

“What an odd name,” Andy yawned tiredly. “Do you think he can really find Karl?”

“If anyone could its Varric,” Hawke said confidently. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow. I just wanted you to know I hadn’t forgotten.”

“Thank you,” said Andy softly. “Both of you.”

“Sweet dreams, handsome,” Hawke murmured.

Merrill squeezed his arm lightly and silence fell again, unbroken until the alarm woke them hours later. There were a few more smiles Friday morning while they got ready to go. Merrill received a kiss from both of them when they left and Andy received one as well when they parted for their first class.

They discussed what information Varric wanted over lunch after Nate had been filled in. Nate offered to join them when they met this person. Andy thought it was a good idea. As his best friend he would likely have seen things that Andy hadn’t. Hawke called the man immediately and a meeting was set up for Saturday afternoon.

Friday afternoon progressed rather slowly and Andy was a bit nervous when they stopped to pick up Carver. Hawke had insisted Andy remain in the passenger seat and Carver didn’t fuss about sitting in the back. The drive home was uncomfortably quiet. When they arrived home Andy retired to the dining room to catch up on his reading. Hawke joined him after a while as well as Merrill when she arrived home.

Merrill was standing behind him while he read, quietly running her fingers through his hair. He was engrossed in his studying and wasn’t paying attention to what she was actually doing until Hawke chuckled. Andy looked up and saw that he was grinning.

“What are you doing?” Andy asked curiously half turning to see Merrill.

“Braiding your hair,” she replied with a smile.

Andy smiled and looked back over at Hawke. “Do I look ridiculous?”

“Not too bad,” he replied grinning. His grin turned to a smirk and his voice became teasing when he continued. “We could paint your nails, find you a nice skirt…”

“I won’t shave my legs,” said Andy returning his smirk.

Hawke arched an eyebrow and said, “You’ve actually cross dressed before?”

“It was a costume party,” Andy said smiling. “My girlfriend at the time thought it would be fun to go as each other. I thought it might be fun too. I shaved my legs and my armpits, the underwear… everything. My hair was longer then and she spent an hour with bobby pins and a curling iron. She spent almost as long on make-up. By the time she was finished I think she was a little jealous. I looked better in her clothes than she did. The look I got from Justin was priceless.”

Merrill giggled and Hawke laughed. “So why won’t you shave your legs?” Merrill asked as she moved around to a different part of his head.

“For the next few days my legs itched like crazy,” said Andy. “You won’t get me in the underwear again either. They’re torture devices. I ended up going to the men’s room and taking them off long before the party was over.”

There was more laughter and Andy went back to his studying when Hawke flipped through his sketch book to find a clean sheet. Merrill hummed softly as she plaited another section of his hair and it was the only sound in the room besides the scratch of Hawke’s pencil for a while. Carver was the next person to pull his attention from his book this time.

“Why are you braiding his hair?” he asked incredulously as he flopped into a chair next to Hawke.

“I wanted to,” Merrill said. “Hawke’s hair is too short to play with.”

Carver rolled his eyes and leaned forward, resting his forearms against the table as he laced his fingers together. “So what’s for supper?”

“Haven’t decided yet,” Hawke said flipping his sketchbook closed. “We have something to tell you Carver.”

Andy marked his place and quietly shut his textbook. Merrill’s hands were suddenly resting on his shoulders as Carver looked suspiciously from Hawke to Andy and back.

“Merrill’s pregnant,” said Hawke meeting his little brother’s gaze steadily.

Carver’s eyes widened and his frown deepened. “By whom?” he asked cautiously.

“We don’t know,” Hawke said his voice very serious. “We’ll have a blood test done after the baby’s born so there will be two names on the birth certificate.”

“How long have you known?” he asked with an accusatory glance at Andy.

“Since Sunday,” Hawke replied shortly. “And no you aren’t the last to know. I haven’t called Bethany yet.”

Carver nodded and studiously stared at his hands. “So what’s for supper,” he said in a flat voice.

“I’ll call for pizza,” said Hawke reaching for his phone.

Andy remained silent even though he still had no wish to eat pizza. Merrill’s hands tightened on his shoulders for a moment and he sighed quietly, reaching up to place his hand over hers. Carver chose that moment to look up at them and Andy met his gaze without flinching. After a moment Carver scrubbed his face with his hands and leaned back in the chair, staring at the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.


	17. Varric Tethras

The rest of that night was spent with Merrill fairly close to him. Carver didn’t hang around all night but Andy caught him staring quite a few times. The baby wasn’t mentioned again and they went to bed without any arguments of any kind. In the morning he and Hawke were careful to stay quiet while Hawke rode him and spoke in quiet whispers when they finished. Breakfast was fairly tense. Merrill seemed as moody as Carver was and the four of them ate in complete silence.

Andy found it too hard to concentrate on homework and ended up on the patio in the backyard after meandering through the house for a bit. Merrill joined him after a while and they watched Carver swim laps in the pool, the younger Hawke completely ignoring both of them. Carver was pulling himself out of the pool when Hawke dropped a sketch book on the table and knelt in between their chairs.

“Finished,” he said happily. “I hope you don’t mind my silliness.”

Merrill burst out in giggles and Andy couldn’t hold in his laughter either when he looked at the sketch. In the picture, Andy and Merrill stood off to one side their heads together facing Hawke. Merrill’s hair, instead of her normal braids was pulled back into an extremely short ponytail. Andy’s hair looked as it had last night after Merrill had finished with it. She wore tight jeans and a shirt tucked in neatly but Andy wore a skirt and a tank top that looked like one of Merrill’s favorite outfits.

Hawke looked absolutely silly in the picture. He also wore a skirt but there were ruffles everywhere in an eye watering yellow that billowed out down to mid-calf. The shirt had puffy sleeves and ruffles at the cuffs, also in an obscenely bright yellow. His shoulders were pushed up in a shrug.

“You look ridiculous,” Carver said with an amused snort from across the table.

“That was the point,” Hawke said rolling his eyes at Carver.

Carver snorted again and walked slowly towards the house, wrapping his towel around his waist as he went. Hawke shook his head as he stood, moving around both of them to sit in another chair. “Well?” he asked with a hint of nervousness.

“Thank you Hawke,” Merrill said breathlessly. “It’s perfectly silly.”

“Nothing like laughter to break the tension,” Andy said grinning. “Did our conversation last night inspire this?”

“Yes,” Hawke said as his smile resurfaced. “I wondered what you’d look like in a dress. Then I wondered what I’d look like. There’s so much tension in this house right now I thought I could lighten the mood a little. I even got a snort from Carver. That’s as good as a giggle from that grump.”

“He has such a pretty smile,” Merrill said sadly. “It’s a shame he doesn’t show it very often.”

“It is,” Andy said nodding. “If it weren’t for his attitude he’d be constantly surrounded by a gaggle of women.”

“Carver’s always been grumpy,” Hawke said earnestly. “It’s just a little worse than normal right now. Anyway, let’s go get some lunch before we meet Varric.”

They stood and Hawke grabbed the sketch book as Andy settled his crutches. Merrill walked slowly with him to the front door. Hawke veered up the stairs saying he’d be out in a minute. Andy figured he was going to inform Carver that he’d have the house to himself for the afternoon. Merrill seemed a bit less moody as they slowly made their way to the truck but he was starting to be actively nervous.

Andy hadn’t thought about Karl much until recently. That he was going to be telling a perfect stranger about this extremely personal subject was making him anxious. If this person could actually find Karl he’d need somewhere to start however. He took a deep breath to calm himself and was promptly startled when Hawke appeared next to him.

“That was quick,” Andy said frowning slightly.

“Carver’s a little…busy at the moment,” Hawke replied with an amused smirk. “I’ll send him a text while we eat.”

“Busy?” Merrill asked in confusion. “He just got out of the pool. Was he in the shower?”

“No,” Hawke said as he unlocked the doors of his truck. “Judging from the noises he was making I’d say he’s fucking his hand. And he tells me I’m loud.”

“Oh,” Merrill said her cheeks flushing a little.

“Everyone has needs,” Andy said smirking as he handed his crutches to Hawke.

“And he doesn’t need me interrupting,” said Hawke as Andy climbed up into the truck. “There’s been quite enough yelling lately.”

Merrill climbed into the back seat as Hawke put the crutches in the bed of the truck and came around to the driver’s side. Soon enough they were talking between bites in the parking lot of the burger joint Hawke had taken them to. Andy managed to rein in his nerves until they were in the parking lot of the bar where they were to meet with Varric. Nate hadn’t arrived yet but they were early.

“Relax Andy,” Hawke said soothingly as he leaned over the center console. “You look worse than when we had lunch with Justin and Aura.”

“Well,” he said anxiously. Andy lapsed into silence, a rare moment when he was at a loss for words and shrugged.

“We’ll be with you,” Merrill said leaning forward to grip his shoulder.

“I know,” said Andy leaning back in the seat. “I just…he’s difficult to talk about sometimes. Am I being silly?”

“Maybe a little,” Hawke said smiling. “I don’t imagine this is easy for you though.”

“It’s not,” Andy sighed. “I want to know though.”

“Varric can find him,” Hawke said confidently. “Would a quick fuck help? You’re always nice and loose afterwards.”

Andy chuckled as he leaned over to give Hawke a peck on the cheek. “Only when you’re the one thrusting.” Merrill giggled and squeezed his shoulder while Hawke grinned. “Thank you both,” Andy said feeling a little less anxious. “I’ll be all right.”

“Much better,” Hawke purred. “I like that smile more than that pinched look. Let’s go inside and get a good table.”

The table Hawke chose was in a corner of the rather seedy looking bar. It was clean but the hardwood flooring was worn and stained, some of the chairs bled foam stuffing, their table leaned alarmingly, the waitress looked bored and Andy wasn’t quite sure what to think of the bar tender. Hawke sat between him and Merrill watching the back of the room rather than the door. Andy waved Nate over when he arrived. He would have been amused at his best friend’s slightly horrified look if he hadn’t agreed completely.

“I hope no one slashes my tires,” Nate muttered irritably as he sat next to Andy. “This isn’t the best neighborhood. Who is this fellow Hawke?”

“He’s an author,” said Hawke leaning back carefully in his chair. “But he also has several businesses and is very well connected. Don’t let this place jade your opinion of him. Varric is good people. Here he comes.”

Andy turned slightly and followed his gaze to a staircase at the very back of the room. The man coming down them was short and stocky. He had sandy blonde hair pulled back in a tail, warm eyes that sparkled and a toothy grin. He wore dark slacks, a white shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest and a dark colored jacket. His arms were thrown wide in welcome as he approached.

“Hawke, Daisy!” he exclaimed cheerfully as he strode up to their table. “It’s been a while.”

Merrill stood and gave him a hug. “I’m pregnant Varric!” she exclaimed excitedly.

“Congratulations!” said Varric patting her back. “Hawke missed that bit of news.”

“I’ve been a little preoccupied Varric,” Hawke said rising slightly with a hand out. Merrill sat as Varric gripped his hand and they shook.

Varric chuckled and turned to Andy. “You must be Andy,” he said leaning over and extending his hand. Andy stretched and they shook, his grip was firm and his hand warm. “Varric Tethras.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Andy said with a small smile.

“You look like a Howe,” Varric said turning to Nate.

“Nathaniel,” he said as they shook hands. “Andy and I have known each other since we were children. Can you find Karl?”

“Direct,” said Varric grinning. “You must not be the favorite.”

“Definitely not,” Nate said with a wry smile.

“Let’s take this upstairs,” Varric said gesturing at the staircase. “Norah’s a terrible gossip.”

The bored waitress glared as Varric led the way. Merrill hung back with him and they were the last into what had to be an apartment. Andy looked around at the odd things scattered around the room. There were abstract paintings, blocky statuettes and a table that looked as if it were made of stone. The center was carved with rune like designs that matched the chair backs. His attention was drawn to a glass covered case with what appeared to be an ancient crossbow inside of it. Nate’s attention was also drawn to the old weaponry.

“Is this authentic?” Nate asked curiously.

“Sure is,” Varric said cheerfully. “Bianca’s an old family heirloom, passed down the generations.” Nate nodded appreciatively and tore himself away from the case to sit next to Andy at the table. “So, tell me…Hands on the table Hawke.”

His tone brooked no argument and Andy couldn’t help a grin. Hawke’s hand had been resting innocently on his thigh but he dutifully put them on the table in front of him. “I promise I’ll behave,” Hawke said also grinning.

Varric arched an eyebrow at him before turning back to Andy. “Tell me about this guy you want found,” he said seriously.

Andy took a deep breath and began. For half an hour he spoke about Karl. It wasn’t half as detailed as what he’d told Hawke and Merrill. Varric listened intently, producing a pen and notepad at one point to jot down notes.

“He dropped me off at home and I haven’t seen or heard from him since,” Andy finished quietly.

“How long ago was this?” Varric asked.

“Around five years…almost six now,” he answered.

He wrote on the notepad and leaned back in his chair. The pen tapped a rhythm on the table in the quiet room. “What about his family?” Varric asked. “Do you have any contact with them?”

“Karl was adopted,” said Andy. “They moved away a few months after he did. I don’t think they tried to contact me but…I wasn’t in really great shape just then.”

Varric leaned forward and scribbled on the notepad again as he asked, “Was there anything odd about his behavior?”

“Not that I noticed,” Andy said after a moment of thought. “There were a few doctor visits the last couple of months but he told me it was nothing.”

“The only strange thing I can think of looking back,” Nate said slowly. “Is that he seemed to be plagued with headaches.”

“He never complained of any,” said Andy frowning.

“Live with my mother for a few years and you learn what a migraine looks like,” Nate said somewhat bitterly.

“How far back did you notice?” Varric asked.

“At least three months before he vanished,” said Nate confidently.

“It’s not much to go on but I’ll see what I can find for you Blondie,” Varric said leaning back in his chair again. “If you want to leave me your number I’ll get you progress reports.”

“All right,” Andy said reaching for the pen and notepad he held out. “About payment…”

“Don’t worry about that,” Varric said grinning. “Hawke knows what I want. You just relax and I’ll see what I can dig up.”

Andy turned to Hawke frowning and arched an eyebrow. “It’s not terrible,” Hawke said defensively. “It doesn’t even involve money.”

After a glare aimed at Hawke Andy turned back to Varric and said, “Thank you in advance.”

“No problem,” he said. “Don’t be such a stranger Hawke.”

“I’ll try,” Hawke said with a grin.

They left moments later and the second the door of the bar closed behind them Andy said, “What does he want Hawke?”

“Me to illustrate the cover of his next book,” Hawke said unenthusiastically.

“Shouldn’t he be paying you to do that?” Nate asked.

“Technically yes,” said Hawke with a shrug. “He’s been trying to get me to agree to it for years but…”

“Wait,” Andy said stopping in the middle of the parking lot. Everyone turned to him but he focused on Hawke. “I realize we probably should have discussed this earlier but…that seems more like you’re doing a favor for him.”

“Varric would have agreed even if I hadn’t relented,” Hawke said seriously. “I figured if you can be brave enough to face the man who deserted you then I can stop being a coward as well.”

“Hawke,” Andy started. He found himself at a loss for words for the second time that day. Andy shook his head and moved forward until he stood in front of this wonderful but frustrating man that he loved. Resting all of his weight on the crutches he pulled Hawke forward until their foreheads touched and spoke in a whisper. “I’m not sure if I’d rather strangle you or kiss you right now.”

“I’d prefer the kiss,” Hawke said softly.

“I can’t imagine why you feel so insecure about your art,” Andy said smiling. “You’re wonderful.”

“You’ve no idea how many times I’ve told him that,” Merrill said with a small smile.

“Even if Varric can’t find Karl I’m glad something good will come of this,” said Andy. He kissed Hawke softly on the lips, felt a burst of warmth inside at the smile he received and straightened. “Let’s do something fun.”

“A picnic in the park?” Merrill suggested. “Can you come with Nate?”

“That sounds good,” Nate said nodding. “Can we go pick up Elissa?”

“Absolutely,” Hawke said grinning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hawke's drawing in this part, imagine the Beast wearing Belle's golden dress.


	18. Another Nightmare

For the next three weeks life settled down to boring routine. Andy was fitted with a walking cast the next week but still wasn’t released to go back to work. That same week he finally got word that workman’s compensation would pay the medical bills resulting from the wreck. He was still left without a vehicle however. Andy wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to get one either. To get the payments low enough on the wrecked car he’d saved up quite a bit for a down payment. Since he wasn’t working at the moment saving up anything was quite impossible.

Their planned camping trip had gone wonderfully. They’d left for Sundermount Monday evening when Merrill had gotten home from her antique shop. Tuesday was spent wandering, Merrill posing for Hawke and talking. Andy had posed for Hawke on Wednesday morning and was happy that he had hardly burned at all. There was plenty of sexual activity between the three of them during the trip. They drove home Wednesday afternoon feeling more relaxed than they had in weeks.

Hawke spent the rest of that day in his study finishing his drawings. That night they saw the finished products and went to catch a late movie in celebration. Merrill and Andy put Hawke between them this time. He was such a happy and contented mess that Merrill drove the truck home where they’d fallen asleep in a comfortable tangle.

During these three weeks Carver watched them and ignored them in turns. He didn’t seem any grumpier than he normally was and there had only been one argument the whole time. The three of them were very careful to keep their hands on appropriate places when Carver was there. There were also a lot more displays of affection between them. It wasn’t just when Carver was present but all the time. Andy still couldn’t bring himself to say the ‘L’ word but it wasn’t quite as hard to show it.

Varric’s progress reports were filled with dead ends. He was currently trying to get ahold of Karl’s adopted family and checking obituaries. Andy tried not to lose hope completely but he was beginning to think that he wouldn’t ever find out what had happened to Karl. He was now positive that something had happened. Varric had found out that Karl had checked himself into a clinic in Cumberland shortly after leaving Kirkwall but that lead had died there.

A date had been set for Nate and Elissa’s wedding at the end of the summer. Andy was asked to be the best man and he agreed enthusiastically. Hawke and Merrill had been invited as well and he could hardly wait. Merrill would be nice and round by then but she had assured everyone that she’d be accompanying him. Hawke had apologetically declined actually attending the wedding and the reception afterwards but had offered his congratulations heartily.

Merrill didn’t seem to be having any trouble with morning sickness but sometimes she was extremely moody. She could often be found munching on a carrot stick or whatever fruit Olivia had put in the bowl. Andy and Hawke both were a little wary of her grumpier moods and very glad that they had each other some days when she didn’t want to be touched.

That hadn’t been an issue when they’d gone to bed this Friday night. Merrill had snuggled up to him with Hawke pressed to his backside, his arm resting across both of them. Andy was a little more aware of his surroundings than he normally was when he woke everyone up in the small hours of the morning. Carver’s pounding on the door didn’t help however. After a bit of worried yelling they were all sitting in the dining room, Andy, Hawke and Merrill all wearing robes and Carver in nothing but his sleep pants, sipping at some hot tea that Merrill had made.

“So is anyone going to tell me what in the bloody hell that was?” Carver asked impatiently after a while.

Andy stalled an angry retort from Hawke and met Carver’s irritated gaze with what he hoped was a calm one. “When I was twelve my mother shoved me in my closet and I got to listen to my parents being murdered. I’ve been plagued with nightmares ever since.”

Carver frowned and fell silent. Andy looked back down into his tea cup and shuddered. A hand rubbed across his shoulders and Merrill scooted her chair a little closer.

“You can go back to sleep Carver,” Hawke said after a moment. “We’re going to be up for a while.”

“Are you kidding?” Carver said. “Not after that. It sounded like _he_ was being murdered.”

“Good grief,” Hawke muttered irritably. “Could you at least go be insensitive somewhere else?”

“Right,” he replied with a scowl. He shoved backwards in his chair and stalked out of the room.

“I’m sorry Andy,” said Hawke quietly.

“He’s got a right to be annoyed,” Andy said with a shrug.

“Annoyed but not rude.”

He leaned into Hawke’s embrace and let the matter drop. Andy had dealt with children that were far crueler than Carver when he’d been in foster care. Merrill patted his thigh and stood, taking his empty cup. The silence persisted even after she’d returned with a full one. She sat and leaned onto him, threading her fingers through his on top of the table.

“What do you usually do?” Hawke asked softly after a while.

“Lay on my bed staring at the wall…after Justin calms me,” he said dully. “It’s really quite boring but better than sleeping.”

“We put a movie in,” Merrill said squeezing his hand slightly. “I ended up sleeping on his lap.”

“We’ve got a few hours to kill. A movie sounds good,” said Hawke.

“You don’t have to stay up with me,” Andy sighed.

“Andy,” Merrill said sounding somewhat annoyed.

“Yes I remember,” he said with a small smile. “I’ll pick another boring movie and you’ll both fall asleep anyway.”

“I get to pick this time,” said Merrill with a small frown and an arched eyebrow. “You go sit on the couch and Hawke can get us a blanket.”

“Yes Ma’am,” Hawke said with a somewhat cheerful smile. He stood and kissed the top of Andy’s head before moving off.

Merrill pulled him up and herded him into the living room. Andy sat in the middle of the couch, still shaken from the nightmare but glad for their presence. The movie she picked was much more exciting than the one he’d picked. Hawke lasted longer than Merrill but he ended up being their pillow anyway. Andy didn’t mind. Being between them, comforted by their closeness, was actually sort of relaxing. He didn’t fall asleep however.

Sunlight was streaming into the living room, muted by the curtains, the TV dark and silent. Andy yawned and shifted carefully, trying not to disturb Hawke at his left and Merrill to his right. Both were still sound asleep and he was considering at least trying to join them when Carver thumped down the stairs. His heavy footsteps stopped abruptly and he muttered something before coming around the edge of the couch.

“Sleep well?” Andy asked quietly.

Carver stood still, his gaze bouncing between the three of them before coming to rest on Andy. “Not really,” he replied softly. “Have you been up all night?”

“Yes,” Andy sighed. “I might be able to sleep for a little while now that the sun’s up.”

“How often does this happen?” Carver asked folding his arms across his chest.

“Often enough,” said Andy resting his head on the back of the couch. “Be thankful they’re not as common as what they were after Karl disappeared.”

“You could have warned me,” said Carver with an accusatorial glare.

“I could have,” said Andy. “I didn’t think about it. It’s been…six weeks or so since the last one. Not a record but…I hope they’ll get further apart again.” Carver glanced at Merrill then Hawke before focusing on Andy again. “While we’re on the subject of warnings, you might want to find something to do out of the house tonight.”

“Why?” he demanded suspiciously.

Andy suppressed an irritated snort and forced himself to respond calmly. “Because I’m sure you don’t really want to hear us.”

“Hear you?” Carver said raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t be stupid Carver,” Hawke muttered sleepily.

Carver’s eyes widened slightly and Andy smirked as Hawke shifted upright. After glowering Carver turned and walked out of the living room. Andy yawned again, stretching a little but still mindful of Merrill sleeping peacefully against him. Hawke kissed the shell of his ear and stood with a yawn, stretching as well.

“Want some coffee handsome?” he asked quietly.

“Sounds good,” Andy murmured with a smile.

“I’ll be right back,” said Hawke through another yawn.

He watched Hawke adjust and tighten his robe before shuffling after Carver.


	19. Proposals

It was afternoon and Andy was half asleep in one of the deck chairs by the pool. Carver had been scarce so far but he was still in the house somewhere. After another quiet breakfast Andy had napped on the couch for a while. He was too tired to focus on homework and had sat with Hawke while he napped in their room. Merrill had joined Hawke and Andy slipped away to let them rest. Lunch had been as quiet as breakfast had been and Merrill was now scouting the yard sales and flea markets for her forgotten treasures.

Normally Andy would have gone with but at the moment he didn’t consider himself very good company. This nightmare had been normal, which felt extremely odd to be thankful for, but he was now a little distracted and too tired to do much of anything. He was glad that it was Saturday however and he could be as lazy as he wanted.

“Andy?” Hawke said softly.

“I’m awake,” he replied opening his eyes a little. “Sort of.”

“Maybe I should wait,” Hawke muttered almost to himself.

“For what?” Andy said through a yawn as he stretched. “Did you need something?”

“No,” Hawke said getting up from his crouch to sit on the chair next to him. “I wanted to talk to you about something. I had planned on bringing this up after breakfast but that was before the nightmare. Now…the timing is very shitty but you’ll have that thing off next week.”

“Now you have to tell me,” said Andy smiling. “Or I’ll be dying of curiosity.”

Hawke smiled briefly then nodded. “Just promise you’ll hear me out first. You don’t have to answer right now and if you say no, I won’t bring it up again.”

“All right,” said Andy sitting up straight. Curiosity warred with anxiety within him but he tried his best to keep his face neutral.

“I’d like to help you get a new car,” Hawke said calmly. “You pick something you can afford payments on and I’ll take care of a down payment as well as taxes and tags.”

Andy blinked but said nothing as he tried to process Hawke’s words. “That’s…very reasonable,” he said after a while.

“I’ve thought about it a lot,” Hawke said somewhat cautiously. “You’ll just have the car payment and the insurance like you did before the wreck.”

“That’s still a lot of money Hawke,” said Andy.

“Yes,” said Hawke looking at his feet. “It’ll take you a while to come up with it though. With you probably going back to work soon getting you there and back is going to get complicated.”

“You’re not trying to guilt me into saying yes are you?” Andy said torn between amusement and amazement.

“Of course not,” said Hawke looking a bit hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Andy said quickly taking his hand. “I’m just…really tired.”

“Like I said,” he replied with a small grin. “Shitty timing. Now that you’re not going to expire from curiosity just think about it. Maybe tomorrow after you get some rest.”

“I will,” said Andy smiling.

“I’m going to do some laps,” Hawke said squeezing his hand. “That won’t bother you will it?”

“Absolutely not,” Andy said wiggling his eyebrows.

Hawke grinned and kissed his hand before standing. Watching as he slid into the pool and dropped under the water, Andy thought about his proposal. His first impulse was to be stubborn and say no. He watched as Hawke moved through the water, legs kicking, arms breaking the surface and pulling him forward with every stroke. The man had obviously put quite a bit of thought into this bit of generousness. He submerged and kicked off the wall, now moving effortlessly in the opposite direction.

Andy smiled as he watched, thinking he just might accept his offer. It wasn’t as if he was being offered a sports car after all. A vehicle he chose, that he would be paying for. He was offering to put things the way they had been before the wreck.

“What are you grinning at?” Carver asked suddenly falling into the chair next to him.

“You know,” Andy replied with a scowl. “It didn’t turn out so well the last time you did that.”

“I don’t want to fight,” he sighed tiredly.

“Well?” Andy prompted when he said nothing.

“They really love you. Both of them,” said Carver flatly.

Hawke was now floating on his back, kicking lazily and watching the exchange intently. Andy looked back to Carver who was staring at the sky, stretched out in the deck chair with his fingers laced behind his head. “And?” he prompted again after another pause.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Find someone who adores you as much as you adore them,” Andy said earnestly.

“Like it’s that easy,” Carver scoffed.

“It’s not,” said Andy. “But you’ll never know unless you try.”

“I don’t have…people falling at my feet all right?” said Carver sullenly.

“That’s your attitude,” Andy said turning his gaze back to Hawke. “I realize you probably don’t want to hear this from me but you’re bloody gorgeous Carver.”

“You’re right,” he replied. “I didn’t.”

Andy rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. Carver was still staring into the sky and he thought that was a very good thing. Hawke was at the opposite side of the pool playing charades with him. Andy frowned as he covered his eyes and drew a box in the air. He arched an eyebrow at Hawke, who sighed then pointed at Carver. His hands drew two curved lines in the air and pointed at Carver again.

“Oh,” Andy breathed softly. “I get it.” He smiled at Hawke and sat up, turning to face Carver. “You don’t have to believe me. I know someone who’d tell you the same thing.”

“What are you getting at?” Carver said suspiciously looking over at him.

“A blind date,” said Andy. “I’ll introduce you and you can let your charming personality do the rest.”

Carver scowled and turned his gaze to the sky. “It’s bad enough I’m always behind Garrett. I don’t need your sloppy seconds too.”

“I’ve never had sex with this woman,” Andy said smirking. “It wasn’t for lack of trying though. She kept telling me I’m not her type. Since you and I are opposites, I think she just might go for you in a big way.”

“Must you?” he said irritably.

“I’m trying to help you, you stubborn ass,” Andy said failing to keep hold of his annoyance. “You wanted to know what you should do and I’m offering a suggestion. Come on Carver. What could it hurt?”

“Is she pretty?” Carver asked somehow managing to look annoyed and interested at the same time.

“She doesn’t look much like Merrill if that’s what you’re asking,” said Andy a little more calmly. “She’s petite, red hair, modest chest, nice hips, high cheekbones. The contacts she wears make her eyes look purple.”

“What…what would I have to do?” asked Carver hesitantly.

“Let me take a picture of you with my phone and I’ll talk to her Monday when I see her at school,” Andy said. “I’ll text you if she’s interested and we’ll figure something out from there.”

“You’re not trying to trick me are you?” he asked suspiciously sitting up.

“I swear on my parent’s graves,” Andy said solemnly. “I like a good prank as much as the next guy but not about this. Not after what I’ve been through.”

Carver stared at him for what seemed like a long time and finally he nodded. “All right. Where do want to take the picture?”

“You should go in the kitchen,” Hawke said pulling himself out of the pool right next to them. “There’s decent light but not as much glare. And try not to frown at least.”

“Ass,” muttered Carver walking away towards the house.

“I can’t believe he agreed,” Hawke said softly. “Remind me never to play charades with you.”

“Ass,” Andy said fondly. He gave Hawke a quick kiss and turned to follow Carver but turned back immediately. “Oh, I don’t need to think about it. I accept.”

Hawke’s happy smile as he turned away gave him another burst of warmth inside and Andy followed Carver into the house with a happy smile of his own.


	20. Natalie Surana

Saturday night began innocently enough. Thankfully Carver had left to catch a double feature at a cheap theater in a poorer area of the city. They still went up to their room however. He was stripped and laid on the bed where Hawke and Merrill lavished attention on his whole body. Andy was reduced to a moaning mess fairly quickly. He was eventually rolled onto his side, Hawke thrusting behind, pushing him into Merrill in front. They fell asleep in a sated tangle and Andy spent a dreamless night between them.

He was the last to wake Sunday morning. Andy spent the rest of the day catching up on homework he was too tired to do the previous day. Monday morning was a little more hectic than normal. Andy wanted to make sure they were there before Natalie was. While he wasn’t precisely sure what Natalie Surana’s type was, he was positive she’d like Carver’s looks at least. His attitude was a different matter altogether. He only hoped she hadn’t hooked up with someone over the weekend.

Andy watched down the hallway hoping she’d be early like she normally was. Hawke was quiet next to him, arm partially around his back with a hand shoved in his back pocket. The subtle kneading was becoming slightly distracting.

“Keep doing that and we might have to find a restroom,” Andy murmured leaning against him.

“Is that supposed to be an incentive to stop?” Hawke growled softly.

His voice sent shivers through Andy and sent blood rushing downwards a little faster. “I certainly wouldn’t mind,” Andy said smiling. “I don’t think it will be all that easy to set Carver up while I’m thinking about my dick up your ass however.”

Hawke chuckled and his hand moved to Andy’s hip. “I’ll behave,” he said unapologetically.

“Maybe we can have a quickie at lunch,” Andy said after a kiss to his cheek.

“Sounds good,” said Hawke his arm tightening around him for a moment. “So, is she here yet?”

“Right there,” said Andy watching the group that had come around the corner. “The short red head with the purple tank top and black jeans.”

“The rather short tank top,” Hawke said appreciatively. “Is that…”

“Yes she has her navel pierced as well as her eyebrow,” Andy said with a smirk. “Those aren’t the only piercings she has either. She has a fondness for tight shirts.”

“How do you concentrate in class?” Hawke asked moving the hand at his hip back to his ass.

“Being told no several times,” said Andy wryly. “And she usually sits behind me.”

Hawke snorted in amusement as he stepped in front of him. His other hand joined the first and Hawke pulled them together, kneading his ass while he devoured Andy’s lips and tongue. After he was thoroughly distracted and mostly hard besides Hawke pulled away and said softly, “Good luck.”

“Just for that you get to suck me off in an empty classroom later,” Andy murmured.

“Sure you don’t want to bend me over a desk,” Hawke purred.

“Tempting,” said Andy. He smirked and swatted Hawke’s ass. “Now stop distracting me.”

“See you at lunch,” said Hawke after a much more chaste kiss. The caress to Andy’s rear end was much less innocent as was his smirk.

Andy shook his head and shifted his books in front of him as he watched Hawke stroll down the hallway. Natalie was smirking as she parted from her girlfriends at the door of the classroom.

“He’s hunky,” she said as she stopped in front of him. “Is that the guy who finally tamed you?”

“Our sex life is anything but tame,” Andy said wigging his eyebrows and grinning.

“You’re terrible,” Natalie said smiling as she rolled her eyes. “So what brings you here so early?”

“Are you still unattached Nat?” he asked seriously as he dug for his phone.

“Sadly yes,” she sighed. “Why?”

“That hunk has a brother,” Andy said bringing up the photo he’d taken of Carver. “Who also happens to be unattached.” Andy handed her his phone and whooped silently when her eyes grew wide.

“Wow,” Natalie said admiringly. “He’s gorgeous. A little grumpy though.”

“I’m sure Carver knows how to smile. He’s just not very likely to if I’m in the same room. He doesn’t like me very much. Would you be interested in a date?”

“With him?” she said glancing up at Andy. “Hell yes. How old is he? He looks a little young.”

“Nineteen or twenty,” Andy said with a shrug. “Not entirely sure.”

Natalie handed his phone back reluctantly. “Since you’re not usually in the business of matchmaking…what’s the catch?”

“Let’s go sit and I’ll explain,” said Andy gesturing at the classroom.

Andy spent the ten minutes before class started and five more after they were back in the hallway explaining Carver’s situation. Natalie shook her head as they walked down the hall. “I don’t know Andy,” she said skeptically. “It’s sort of like agreeing to be a rebound fling.”

“I don’t think he’s a fuck on the first date kind of guy so it wouldn’t be a fling,” Andy said. “I think he just needs to know that there are women out there who are interested. Whether or not you continue to see each other is entirely between you two.”

“And you wonder why I keep telling you no,” Natalie said rolling her eyes again. “Let me think about it. I’ll text you later.”

“All right,” Andy said amiably. “I’ll see you later then.”

Andy spent the rest of the morning only half paying attention to his classes. Most of his attention was focused on going through a list of people he knew. Natalie was simply the best candidate. He understood her hesitation however. When lunch came around he was still pretty distracted as he made his way to an exit that would take him to the commons. Arms around his stomach pulling him backwards slightly brought his thoughts to a screeching halt.

“Come see what I’ve found,” Hawke purred in his ear.

“You scared me,” Andy said leaning back against him.

“What did she say?” asked Hawke as he walked them backwards.

“She said she’d think about it. Where are we going?”

“An empty classroom. Do you want to fuck or be sucked?”

“Sucked,” Andy said turning his head to kiss Hawke’s cheek.

Hawke kicked the door shut and Andy was turned and pressed against it. Andy dropped his books to the floor and brought his hands up to rest on Hawke’s shoulders. After a kiss he pushed on them and Hawke sunk to his knees eagerly. His slacks were already tented and it didn’t take long for him to bring Andy to full hardness.

Andy leaned back against the door and ran his hands through Hawke’s short dark hair. He sighed and bit his lip to keep quiet as his cock was licked. Watching it disappear slowly into his mouth, tongue sliding against the underside, he couldn’t hold in a soft groan. Hawke’s eyes sparkled as he bobbed, sucking on the head, swallowing when his nose was pressed to Andy’s skin. His eyes drifted partly shut and he began thrusting when Hawke’s hands left his hips.

“Hawke,” Andy whispered breathlessly when he was close to orgasm.

He pulled back and sucked hard on the tip. Andy groaned softly as he came, thumping his head on the door behind him. Hawke moaned quietly as he backed away, a string of spit and semen connecting his lower lip and Andy’s cock. After a moment Hawke stood, both of them breathing heavily. He pushed their bare cocks together, offering his hand to Andy’s mouth. Andy cleaned his spend off and they spent a few minutes kissing.

“Our sex life is going to get a little boring,” Hawke sighed dolefully after they parted.

“I imagine there will be less sex in the back yard,” Andy said pushing past Hawke’s loose slacks to cup his ass.

“And on the couch, the dining room table, the stairs, bent over the pool table…”

“We can always call Auntie Lis and hit the theater,” Andy said holding them together. “I’m sure we can figure out a few other public places to play around in without getting caught.”

Hawke smiled and pressed their lips together again. “Going to have to. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it…a baby.”

“I know,” Andy murmured. “We’d better put them away. Nate might be wondering where we’re at by now.”

As Hawke stepped away righting his underwear Andy’s phone buzzed. Instead of tucking himself back into his jeans he pulled up the message from Natalie.

‘There’s a window right behind you two. You make the cutest faces. ;P Now put your prick away and send me that pic. Go ahead and set me up. Sat and Sun is best around five or six.’

Andy laughed and handed Hawke his phone while he zipped his pants up. Hawke grinned as he handed the phone back. “I think I like her already,” he said gathering up Andy’s books as well as his own. “Let’s go get some lunch.”


	21. Good News and Bad News

After several texts throughout the afternoon and into the evening it was finally settled that Carver would be picking Natalie up at six this Saturday. He sighed heavily, set his phone down on the dining room table and leaned back in his chair. Andy slouched until the back of his head rested on the chair back and let his arms hang straight.

“I am _never_ doing this again,” he moaned tiredly. “You’re damn lucky I love you Hawke because this has been entirely more trouble than Carver is worth.”

“Oh!”

Andy looked up and found Merrill holding a covered baking dish on the opposite side of the table, staring at him with wide eyes. His gaze drifted to Hawke, who was also staring at him, a corner of his mouth quirked up slightly.

“What?” Andy said sitting upright.

“Andy,” Hawke said gently. “Do you realize what you just said?”

“That your little brother is a pain in the ass?” he guessed completely mystified by their reactions.

“I love you Hawke,” Merrill said softly her gaze fixed on him.

“Of course you…” Andy began. He stopped speaking abruptly, his eyes widening, continuing in a whisper. “Oh…I did say that…didn’t I.”

“Yes,” Hawke said grinning. “Yes you did.”

Merrill squealed happily and set the dish on the table before hurrying around it. Her arms wrapped around him from behind and she covered his cheek in kisses. Hawke’s grin widened and he leaned forward, offering a hand palm up. Andy smiled weakly and placed his hand atop Hawke’s. He felt dazed. They had all known it. Andy had as much as admitted that he loved both of them to Justin. It was still surprising.

“I haven’t even thought of it for a long while now,” said Andy. “They haven’t all gone away, my fears…but…it’s true. I love you both.”

“I’m so happy!” Merrill exclaimed.

“No promises on how quickly I say it again,” Andy said after a weak chuckle.

“Take as much time as you need to Handsome,” Hawke said squeezing his hand. “You’re very good at showing it.”

Andy’s phone buzzed and he groaned as Merrill straightened. “One of them had better not be rethinking,” he said irritably as he reached for it. He frowned and pulled up the message from Varric.

“Andy?” Hawke said in concern after a moment.

“Oh dear,” Merrill said quietly as she read the message over his shoulder.

“Good news and bad news,” Andy said quietly. “Varric found Karl but want’s to tell me in person. He’ll be here within fifteen minutes.”

“I’ll get another plate,” Hawke said quietly.

There was a knock on the door less than ten very tense minutes later. Andy pushed the pasta casserole around on his plate disinterestedly. Hawke and Merrill were also subdued. Varric looked somber as Hawke led him into the dining room. He was dressed much the same as he had been before, standing at the head of the table as Hawke took his seat across from Andy.

“I’m sorry Blondie,” Varric said quietly. “Karl Thekla died six months after leaving Kirkwall.”

Andy whimpered and closed his eyes, his fork held tightly in his fist. “I…sort of expected…” Andy took a deep shuddering breath, tears rolling unbidden down his cheeks. Merrill’s arms were around him again and his fork clattered to the table as he gripped her arm.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered despondently.

“How…Why?” he choked out looking over at Varric.

“I found his obit first,” Varric said pulling out a chair. “Found his family from that. Those doctor visits were to a neurologist here in Kirkwall. A large malignant tumor was found. He went to Cumberland for treatment. It wasn’t the surgery that killed him. His family said he wasn’t the same afterwards though. His cause of death is listed as heart attack, unknown cause.”

“God…” Andy whispered in horror thinking back to his nightmare before the wreck. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

“I imagine because he likely knew the outcomes were more bad than good. We’ll never know for sure,” Hawke said sadly. “Here.”

Andy took the glass he held out and drained the whisky in a gulp. It burned his throat and he coughed once and shook his head. “Do you know where he’s buried?”

Varric reached inside his jacket and silently pulled out a folded piece of paper. He set it on the table and slid it towards them. “I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you better news.”

“No…no, it’s all right,” Andy said wiping his cheeks. “I’ve been expecting something terrible…I just…wish I knew why he didn’t tell me. Can we…go see his grave?”

“I’ll take you tomorrow right after your appointment if you want,” Hawke said placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you,” said Andy softly. He turned to Varric and managed a smile. “Thank you too. Stay and have some supper. I’ll…be right back.”

Merrill let go of him as he stood and Hawke pulled him into a brief hug. He gave him a strained smile and hurried to the bathroom on the first floor. Andy shut the door behind him and leaned on the vanity, taking a deep breath. He had been expecting something horrible but he’d thought that he’d at least be able to call him. Whether or not he wanted to demand answers or simply curse him out Andy hadn’t decided. He wouldn’t get the chance to do either. Tears spilled from his eyes and he dropped to his knees.

Great shuddering sobs escaped him and he gripped the edge of the sink. There was a knock on the door, followed by Hawke’s muffled voice calling his name. Andy couldn’t answer. The door hit his foot and moments later Hawke was kneeling next to him. He closed his eyes as strong arms surrounded him and wept.

Hawke coaxed him upstairs to their room when his sobbing had died to hiccups. He fell asleep soon after, emotionally wrung out. When he woke the room was still dark. Andy was wedged tightly between his lovers, Hawke behind and Merrill in front as usual. He lay quietly, drawing comfort from them.

The clock on the nightstand read just after five a.m. It would be an hour or so before the alarm went off. Andy let his thoughts wander and they settled on that final conversation with Karl. He hadn’t noticed the boxes when they had entered his apartment but he noticed them on the way out. They hadn’t even made it inside before the kisses began. The door was shut and a trail of clothing had been left from it to his bedroom. Andy remembered the sex very well.

He remembered Karl collapsing to one side afterwards, barely enough energy to toss the condom over the side of the bed in the general direction of the garbage can. The sleepy doze they fell into, legs tangled together, their faces close enough to kiss, and the arm draped over his side. Andy had been woken by a soft kiss and fingers running through his hair. Everything had been perfect.

Looking back now Andy could see the sadness bordering on despair from Karl during that final conversation. He had been too hurt, too angry to see it then. His demands for an explanation were met with repeated silence, Karl’s gaze eventually directed at their feet. The ride home had been completely silent, Andy sitting in the passenger seat looking anywhere but at Karl, stoking his anger so he wouldn’t fall apart completely in the man’s presence. Karl hadn’t said a single word as he pulled up to the curb and parked. Andy had been equally silent as he wrenched open the door and slammed it shut, walking up to the oppressive old fortress he lived in without looking back.

How different would his life have been if Karl had told him? Andy would have gone with him and likely ended up coming back to Kirkwall after his death. He suspected his reaction to Karl’s death, if he’d known, would have been very similar to what had actually happened. Andy sighed quietly, wondering what he hoped to accomplish by visiting the grave. 


	22. Smiles

His doctor’s appointment had gone as expected and Andy was wearing two shoes for the first time in nearly two months. He was released to go to work and Hawke had stopped by the store so that he could inform his boss. Amanda was happy with the news of his release and ecstatic that he would still be able to deliver. Andy would be put back on the schedule but he still had almost a week and a half before he could actually go back to work. He was willing to cover shifts however.

The appointment was fairly early in the day and both Hawke and Merrill had gone with. After their brief stop to drop off his release form Hawke had headed west out of Kirkwall. Andy had sat in the backseat staring out the window. Karl’s grave was in Cumberland and it had taken a few hours before they reached the city. The mood inside of the truck was somber. The radio was turned down and he listened to Hawke and Merrill murmuring, catching her looking back at him every so often out of the corner of his eye. Andy was glad they were both with him and very glad they weren’t pressing him to talk.

He had come to the conclusion weeks ago that even if Karl had mysteriously reappeared there would be no picking up where they’d left off. Andy still loved Karl, part of him always would. Spending the entire trip trying to figure out why he wanted to see the grave had been fruitless. Now that he stood in front of the headstone he still didn’t know. Andy knelt to the side and placed a single red rose at the base.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Andy whispered quietly tracing the letters of his name. “You didn’t spare me anything. Almost six years and here I am…crying at your grave.”

Andy swiped across his cheeks with the back of a hand. “You’d have been appalled at my behavior,” he continued after a moment. “I was so angry…did you know how much it hurt? Watching you die would have been better. At least I’d have known.”

Unable to rouse his anger Andy stood, feeling only sadness. “I’ve missed you. I’ve found a couple. I think you’d like them. They’re wonderful people. We already have a baby coming.” He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Goodbye Karl.”

After a moment he turned and slowly made his way over to where his current lovers stood not far away. They both looked extremely concerned and he managed a smile as he stopped in front of them. “I’m all right.”

Merrill wrapped her arms around him and said softly, “This can’t be easy for you.”

“I’ll always wonder,” Andy said hugging her around the shoulders. “What he was thinking.”

“Trying to save you pain I’d imagine,” Hawke said embracing them both. “Love can do funny things to you.”

“Would you have told me?” asked Andy resting his cheek on top of Merrill’s head.

“Absolutely,” he replied with no hesitation. “I’d want both of you by my side throughout. Whatever his reasons for breaking up and going through it alone…I just can’t fathom.”

“I’ll never know why,” Andy said sadly. “At least he’s at peace.”

“We’re here for you Andy,” Merrill said anxiously after a brief pause. “Hawke and I, Justin, Nate and Elissa…we all care about you.”

“I know,” he said affectionately. “There’s a lot to look forward to. Thank you both for not giving up on me.”

“You’re worth it,” said Hawke. He kissed the tip of Andy’s nose then the top of Merrill’s head. “Let’s go get something to eat. Do you want to drive back tonight or shall we spend the night in a hotel cuddling while we watch terrible movies on TV?”

“Let’s go back tonight,” Andy said pulling away from Merrill. “We have class and we still need to go visit the dealerships. I’d still go for the cuddling though.”

“There’s going to be plenty of cuddling,” said Hawke as they started back to his truck.

Andy looked back and felt another sharp spike of grief. He hurried forward and inserted himself between Hawke and Merrill, an arm around each of their waists. His heart was heavy but he felt lighter. Things at home would be getting back to normal now that he could work again. There was Nate and Elissa’s wedding to look forward to and all the excitement and upheaval the baby would cause. Andy hoped that wherever Karl was now, he was watching with a smile.

_Eight Months Later_

Leanne Karla Sabrae was almost two weeks old. She had a full head of black hair and bright blue eyes. Hawke was positive Andy had fathered her because of her narrow chin and nose. She was long and thin, usually wrapped in a blanket as well as the onesies and socks she was dressed in. Merrill was currently passed out on the couch and Andy hurried over before her tiny cries could wake her. Merrill began to stir anyway, her eyes popping open as she began to sit up.

“I’ve got her,” Andy said quietly as he knelt next to the couch and the bean bag their daughter was nestled in. “Go back to sleep Merrill.”

She nodded sleepily and settled back down. Andy carefully lifted the infant, cooing softly as he took her to the changing station. Her first name came about as a combination of Andy’s mother’s name and Hawke’s. Merrill had insisted on her middle name. Her last name would be decided later, when the paternity test confirmed which of them had actually fathered her.

Hawke stepped into the room as he snapped the onesie over her diaper. He held out a bottle of formula as Andy settled Leanne securely in the crook of his arm. Andy took the bottle and she fell quiet. Hawke brushed hair away from her eyes, smiling as he put an arm around his shoulders. Andy returned his smile, wondering which of them would be Dad and who would be Papa, as they slowly walked back to the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's stuck with me.


End file.
